Forget visualization and the pseudo-science of 'the law of attraction.'
A couple of years ago, I was having a conversation with a friend from Mexico who was visiting her boyfriend in Belgium. She was a true believer in the law of attraction after reading 'The Secret.'
"It's simple," she said casually. "All I have to do is believe that my wishes will come true."
"So, it's the same as religion then?", I asked, trying to keep an open mind.
"Oh no, you cannot compare my belief in God with this. The law of attraction is a proven system", she retorted.
The law of attraction a proven system?
It's been six years since I saw her. She's a single mother now, living in Mexico. Visualization is an illusion; that's the only 'secret' that was revealed to her during all those years. To be fair, she was intent on having a child. That did indeed happen to her. But I remember the discussion we had back then. Being a single mom was definitely not one of the images she had in her head when visualizing her dream life.
I can hear the pro-visualization goons going off already: "She didn't do it right! She didn't ask the universe the correct questions! She didn't really believe!"
Stop it already. Save your breath for those weak and feeble minds who might believe this nonsense.
Let's turn to cold hard science. Let's throw out silly beliefs and put our trust in scientifically backed conclusions. Or is that a bridge too far for you believers? Because let's face it, why let facts get in the way of a good story, right? Especially one that sells as good as 'The Secret'.
Every single person I met that believed in the law of attraction, could not give me a simple explanation why it works. The ones who were successful claimed they 'attracted' it somehow. Those for who this magical power did not work, brushed it off as normal. They attracted the bad luck streak they were having.
I fail to see any difference with the irrational belief of an all-powerful bearded dude in the sky who's supposed to have a plan for all of us. Science will set us free. And yes, we don't know everything. We cannot explain everything. But we can ask questions. And the answers to these questions will give us new insights that lead to yet another rational discussion.
Don't just accept ancient stories as truth. Be critical and rational. THINK! Don't just believe. Especially not in old manuscripts that have been incorrectly translated and abused for thousands of years. Let's turn to science to dissect the law of attraction.
All the self-help gurus are just helping themselves to YOUR hard-earned money. They realize it's an easy sale. Create some products where you promise people they can completely change their life simply by altering your thoughts. Is there a better angle to catch the underachieving, wanna-get-rich-quick couch potato? And if it doesn't work, they can brush it off as the client's own fault. They did not believe; they weren't thinking positive.
Purely from a marketers and business point of view, it makes sense. The self-help market is huge. I'm talking billions of dollars in sales every single year. But it won't work for everyone. And the snake oil sellers putting out these products know that very well.
Why Positive Affirmations Lead to Procrastination
We all know them. They are the people that post those irritating positivity quotes on your Facebook wall.
They are the ones who hang motivational posters around the office. The people who start their day talking to themselves. Droning off positive affirmations like a disillusioned survivor of the zombie apocalypse.
Science has a cold hard truth for you. You're lying to yourself. Ignoring reality is a favorite technique used by believers. But that's not the worst part. Everyone one of us ignores reality from time to time. It enables our simple human minds to cope with truths that are too big to handle. Truths that are so vast that we cannot begin to comprehend them. So our mind creates convenient little lies to make sense of the world.
But purposefully creating an incorrect world view and imagining your perfect life is nothing more than bending the truth. You can stand in front of a mirror every day and say a hundred times to yourself that you're going to be the most handsome guy in the world. But if you're so ugly that people see you as the missing link in evolution, it's never going to happen. Not unless you spend a fortune on cosmetic surgery.
A study done by the 'Journal of Experimental Social Psychology in 2011 found that positive fantasies about your ideal future and life saps your energy instead of boosting it. They concluded that positive affirmation and visualization triggers the reward response in our brain. It makes our brain think we already achieved what we are visualizing!
Is It All Just Smoke and Mirrors?
We don't know a great deal about the human brain. Huge questions are left unanswered. What is consciousness? Why do we sleep and dream? We are walking and talking electrochemical machines. And we have no explanation for the absurdness of our existence. This creates a perfect marketplace for snake oil sellers and religions. They help people make sense of the world around them.
But there is a form of self-help available that IS backed by scientifical studies. Neuro-linguistic programming is the systematic study of the relationship between what we think (neuro), language, and the habits or script that are running our lives (programming).
I think therefore I am.
Every single on of us has their interpretation of the world, which we take for granted, and assume as truth. All our actions are based on this understanding. If we can change this interpretation, we can change our actions.
Changing my mental picture of what I believed as truth, is what made me successful. Not accepting what I was taught, what I saw on TV, what my parents told you. That's how I changed my life. I learned how to master my fears and create habits that forced me to take action to reach the future I saw before me.
I imagined the entire path that lay before me. From start to finish. I stopped focusing on the outcome and started paying attention to the road that would lead me there. I trained my brain to enjoy uncertainty. Which was something my brain was not wired to do. Growing up in Belgium, a social-democratic nation, teaches you to fear risk and the unknown. Safety nets are all around you; there's little consequence if you fail. People are getting brainwashed to become a cog in someone else's machine. The education system sets you up for a life of servitude in a company. I lost count how many times my teachers and parents told me that "what are you going to do later in your job, when you can't even pay attention in class?" I even had teachers telling me that I would end up in jail before I was 30. That's how much worth they put into being an obedient, law-abiding, tax-paying citizen. Something I was not cut out for.
But my brain got used to this, though. I accepted their worldview as truth. At 18years old, I couldn't imagine myself starting my own business. I had to re-wire my brain to overcome my fears. I was scared to let go of the security and safety net a cushy corporate job gave me. Deciding to move from Belgium to Asia wasn't a walk in the park either. I managed all of that by teaching my brain to expect and enjoy the unknown.
I had to let go of my old mental pictures. I stopped paying attention to my previous failures and bad experiences. When someone gave me negative feedback in the past, I took personal offense. Months later I would still be thinking of that one negative comment someone gave me about a dj-set I played. It took me a while to get rid of these irrational connections my brain made. NLP showed me a way to change my perception of reality. And that, in turn, allows you to create your own reality!
So don't wait for 'the secret' to be revealed to you. The truth is, there is no secret. People who tell you otherwise are just trying to make a quick buck off you.
Sources:
http://www.anlp.org/files/a-critical-review-of-nlp-as-an-effective-for-individuals-with-depression-or-anxiety-lisa-wake_6_176.pdf
http://www.steverrobbins.com/nlpschedule/random/research-summary.html
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S002210311100031X)
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