These days I find myself in a tornado of change and novel impending experiences that mess with my ego to the gravest degree. And that is precisely the point here, I continously find that small voice inside of me that keeps saying: "Everything is perfect as it is, there's no way it could be different. TRUST IT." And the different layers of my being diverge and I can see it so clearly. It's quite a blessing.
Thanks to some major psychedelic experiences I have learnt to trust it, thank god. Still I find that my ego is in torture. It wants to believe it loves change, it loves to proclaim it in order to bath in the glory of such a virtuous statement, but when that change becomes fundamental it really doesn't love it. It fears it. It screams in pain and doubt until everything else is drowned out. Or is it?
I wonder how I could ever hope to face these challenges and the new leg of the path of life that is clearly on my doorstep without a deeper faith in the cosmos and the intelligent nature of things, I want to cry for all those people who face hardships daily without a thorough experiential insight into the intelligent nature of being on the grand scale. I salute them, I have no such balls of steel. I could never face life these days without this ... insight. My ego becomes proud in its humbleness when both it and my intuition tell me: I most certainly needed the experiences that showed me that the the universe can be trusted at all times, esPECIALLY when it seems like it can't be trusted. I deeply respect you, all the far-out people out there!
From mere experience I can say a major shift is upon me, I feel it, I see it, I know it. And therefore probably upon everyone to some degree, whether they are aware of it or not - we are not separet islands.
I hope - true to my name that I have never told you - that nomen est omen and that this new leg in my life will eventually carry me into the life I have been working on so thoroughly for a decade and to meet many of you lovely aspects on my crazy journey, letting go of any and all apparent safety anchors for the ego to get comfy and cling to the times that were.
2019 will be a major switch up and my final exam. Not to say that it's final, but that it's long overdue in growing up and becoming the king of my life. It feels like the day I came to the mainfloor on acid two days before the festival ended and everybody was like: THERE YOU ARE!!!!
I don't look back with regret, and I won't either. The Americans say desperate times require desperate measures. Though that seems a little bleak and tainted for me, I do recognize on ego, intellectual and intuitive levels that the shift is pending majorly for me. And that I will face it head on. the hints are everywhere. Come, trust me! Come ON, TRUST ME, YOU KNOW YOU CAN!!!!!
Hence, all my actions will be changing over the next months as I grow into the role I can merely smell intuitively, while my ego is cowering in fear and doubt whether it can actually be done. You watch me, I'm telling you it can. And it will. You will recognize it soon enough, just don't get in my way, we are allies - remember? TRUST IT and it will set us free <3 <3 <3