Been under the gun so long..finally had a few weeks and days to collect myself. It's a strange feeling when your worried about money and your situation constantly so it is difficult to concentrate on anything else. It's a blockage towards doing what I really want to do. I kept the craft alive all that time down under. Never had the time to truly concentrate though. Although...I feel myself coming back to being ultra normal!!
Managed to earn a bit of crypto coin lately. It has helped with finances. Don't know how long those other crypto sources will last. I will continue to put trust in steemit. It is where I have made just a little so far to help out my life situation. I've taken a break from social media allot lately. I like steemit best. A good diversity here and genuine crowd funded appreciation for creative and passionate content. It's keeping on inspiring me to take life in new directions for sure.
Times and opportunities are here. It's 2017! I figured this new project/band of 6.59Prime Excepted won't have a sound...but a ring signature!! Keep it modern you know? I've had this stunned feeling coming down from life! But I gotta keep pressing forward! It's like being locked up a long time and not knowing what to do with yourself. Slowly I'm getting more of a daily routine. This having no work right now has got me stunned a bit. Luckily I could cash in some crypto. I don't like worrying about money all the time. So I gotta keep writing at a furious pace!
I'm still going through the motions but not stuck in the past. I have my house here. It is in need of repair but... when people see it... they can tell it is a home. It has that vibe. Most people in big cookie cutter box houses have a fake empty vibe I feel. They have money, a big house...but it is empty. Seems so generic. Glad I have that organic vibe. Into overgrown looking gardens! I love permaculture! On the part of our house that is finished we have clay walls! It feels really earthy and cool.
This new way of earning through cryptocurrency and steemit is different. It is taking awhile to get used to. I am learning to really like it! It reminds me when I was young in elementary and there was this pay phone in school I figured out how to get money from. If you pressed down the hang up spot a bunch of times a few quarters came out. My mom was on wellfare so we didn't have much money. I would take some quarters each day and stash them in my locker. Crypto currency gave me that feeling kinda....where you are getting some value but no one really knows how you obtained it. It's like making something out of nothing just a bit better.
Coming down is a trip. It's finding out how much tension you are under. The realisation doesn't take the pressure away but helps to orient yourself. I never wanted to be numb. I like to be present and face the day. I've had high anxiety and in the last week of not working much it's calming down. I also want to have access to medical pot as that really helps as well. I feel a new era and it's all opening up. I know I can stand tall, even have a piercing look and persevere. Even when it feels like an apocalyptic scenario of a zombie apocalypse where everyone is sad and stunned.
But yea it's the financial worries that are adding to stress and causing much stress in the world everywhere. It's not what life is should be about I think. I look at these stress conditions many have and even I have symptoms. I have this allergic reaction to bullshit. My body knows it. First it was allergies to pollen and still happens just not as severe as it used to be cause I work more in gardens nowadays. When I was stressed in junior high I got hives all over my body. Then later when I was traumatised I had sweats at night for a year and a half on and off. I also had swollen eyelids some times exacerbated from crying. Now I have eczema on my hands but it's going away since I'm not overworking right now and coconut oil helps major.
It's still this pounding burning struggle day to day. I know this place of being sensitive of all around you while having a struggle in it. Don't mean to say the word 'it' so much either. I've got the gist. The story on the tip of my tongue. Perhaps today was enough and tomorrow! may be a grand new day. I'm pissed off enough for it. Ah well my favourite coffee shop back in the day was called The Daily Grind.
I'm this alien archaeologist looking at the world with fresh eyes. These cities...such curious places...these human zoos. Is it really necessary to live like this. Unbelievable ...it blows my mind. It's an alien planet with whirlpools of plastic in the oceans. Bizarre. O.k. so how can we change humanities schtick so we could be in a less or even non-destructive/death mode. Right!? That's the goal here. To turn this ship around. And get back that Garden Of Eat'n'. "Help me I'm hungry, I want my complex back" to quote Kurt Cobain.
Oh boy, what a life, what a day! Ahhh! That's why I'm pumped! Yes! I'm glad to be here. I like life and I like being alive!
