This is the final day of "7 Days of Love Challenge", Day 7 with the theme "Wild Card". Once again, thank you 
Thinking of the word wild, most people (if not all) might link it to the love action - the wildest expression on the bed, ahem, you know what I mean 😉. Maybe to those who are adventourous, the forest-jungle-Tarzan-type will relate it to wild animals. But to me, I can't stop thinking of my kind of wild, reckless love, someone who wildly love me to the extent of changing me into someone that I would never think I would become. Here is my life story, hope you stay with me for awhile in this post.
I grew up in a perfect, loving family with lovely parents and 4 of us the siblings. Two girls, followed by two boys - a balance combination for any match or fight or debate. Overall, I was soft-spoken. Gentle on the outside but firm on the inside. My parents told me before they rarely worried about me because they believed I would have thought through (and planned carefully) everything I wanted to do. I organised stuff, I made a plan and I carried out the plan. Teachers always commented me as reliable, independent and self-determined. I was not bad-looking, I had considerable amount of friends, so life was good (or so I thought). Until...
I kept being pestered by one of my secondary friends by the surname Leong, that God had a plan for me. I found her irritating because I never needed God's plan, I had Jade's plan and that was enough. Day in and day out, she 'preached' to me, "Gaik, you need abundant life and Jesus has done it all to give it to you." Back then I wasn't a Christian, so friends called me by my Chinese name, Gaik (or 玉). In my heart, I was annoyed but I kept quiet because I did not want to disappoint her. She really shared her heart out. But I was firm and immovable. Why would I need abundant life if I had it already? Good decent family, not poor, not rich either, nice decent look (no model look and no model body though, sigh, hehe), good achievement at school, likable by people - I was satisfied with my life. Nope, I don't need Jesus.
To add on to my irritation, we had new neighbours shifting in and they were super duper devoted Christian. Every Saturday night, the adults couple would pay a visit, bringing along their children, and without fail, asking us to go church with them on Sunday. We were from Buddhist background, so my parents would kindly decline their invitation. Please don't forget, Leong still diligently did her work of sharing Christ with me. Well, she sat next to me, I could not avoid. "You need Jesus." "God is love, you need His love." "Jesus died to save you." These were the persistent words from Leong. "What? What to save if I am not in danger?", I thought.
It was Easter Day. My neighbour was determined to bring our entire family for their church's Easter Celebration. In order to not disappoint them, my parents made us go. My sister and I. So we went as obedient children. It was a nice celebration, no doubt. The sharing of testimonies, the songs and the words from the pastor were meaningful, it actually touched my heart. However, I was firm and immovable in my belief - that I really did not need Jesus. I had all I wanted in my life. Surprisingly, this was the night my sister (older than me by 1 year) accepted Jesus into her life. And she got baptised there and then too.
I remembered on our way home, I confronted her for making decision without thinking through, and also not considering nor respecting family's religion. She kept quiet. My sister is a person of intergrity, less words spoken but full of wisdom. But how could I doubt her decision? Since then, every Sunday, my sister went to church. She became passionate with Jesus. It became an issue to me, as in Jesus was questionable - who is this God who managed to change my sister's belief?
Then it was my birthday. At late night around 11pm, I heard motorcycle's sound at our gate, but there was no one to be seen. The next day, my mother found this at our letter box.
My own photo.
My own photo.
It was a birthday present from....none other than...Leong, my faithful friend. This Bible has since followed me for 20 years! Hence it has turned yellow now.
My first Bible as birthday present when I was not a Christian.
What caught my attention as I turned the pages was this.
The bright red sticker note caught my attention.
Zoom in of the note.
John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, Jesus, that whoever that believes in Him, would not perish but have eternal life.
For whatever unknown reason, it resonated in my heart. Something was speaking to me deep inside. Or rather someone was trying to tell me something. It took me awhile to come back to my senses, back to my own belief. I continued on with my life, with own's plan, own's determination and own's strength. Leong was the same, ever faithful to share with me. Neighbour still occasionally invited us to church's event. As for me, life became more challenging as I grew older. School's homeworks piled up, with alot of projects, while expectation from teachers and friends and myself didn't help. I was always either the top or the second, so everyone had high hope on me. Without realising, I started to develop some inner stress. Besides, at that age when hormone started to play its role, you had crush for the opposite sex. And that was when you also had heartaches in love story or friendship challenges.
My turning point
Christmas was around the corner. My sister invited me to church. I showed her my reluctance to go, but deep inside I wanted to go desperately. My ego, since I had always argued with her about her new-found faith. This time, I wanted to go so much because I figured out maybe what Leong said to me was right. I need Jesus. The pastor talked about emptiness. That when God created human being, there is one part inside us meant for close relationship with the Creator, for His love to stay put with you. Without it being filled by God's love, you would never feel satisfied in life.
No matter how good your life is, no matter how successful you are, no matter how pretty you are, no matter how rich you are, no matter how many countries you have travelled, if without that part being filled with God's love, you will go back to square one. You are not truly satisfied. Then you go about searching for yet again another achievement, another love, another fulfillment. Because you are actually searching for the One who created you. The one that has the everlasting love to love you like no one else will. ~ said the Pastor.
I lifted up my hands with tears rolling down my cheek when the Pastor asked "Who want to accept Jesus as your personal friend and Saviour?" He then prayed a prayer for us and inside me I felt all the burden and stress that I had carried in my life being casted out. First time in my life I felt so free, so liberated, so joyful.
It was the turning point in my life. I never knew someone actually has loved me before I love him. I never knew someone kept chasing after me with various means eventhough I outrightly rejected him so many times. I never knew someone who would love me as who I am, eventhough I made so many mistakes in my life. Again and again, He searches me, chases after me, forgives me, renews me and restores me. He is my Lord, my Jesus, my Saviour.
1 John 4:10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins (Bible)
1 John 4:19 We love because He first love me. (Bible)
God loves me not because I am loving, but He is loving. He loves all even those outcast and unlovable in the society. ~ Jadeline.
I became very passionate for Jesus, then and now. I shocked the entire family when I made decision to throw away my ambition as a pediatrician or child's specialist and serve God fulltime as a pastor. I also patiently share the love of Christ with my entire family and now we all have the same belief, although they are still dumbfounded by my high level of love and passion for Jesus. I always tell them and my friends that I would not become who I am today if it were not because of Jesus, that is why, I will forever commit to Him who had picked me up from dirt and turned me into gem. That is how I derived my Christian name - Jade - Jadeline.
How my life has changed since I included Jesus
- I was insecure. Now I am secure.
- I was shy and timid. Now I am still shy but more courageous.
- I always ran away or hid when challenges came. Now I faced it with God's strength.
- I was always jeolous and envious. Now I always celebrate people's success and with God's help not to feel intimidated.
- I always sulked and drowned in my sorrow to feed the sadness. Now I cried in the night to God and joy comes in the morning.
- I used to be self-pity. Now I always self-praise (because we do not expect people will always be available to compliment you).
- I used to be guilt-driven. Now I am purpose-driven.
Today, I am free to love and be loved. I am grateful for this wild, reckless love that never gives up on me, always hopeful and always faithful. I have never met such wild love, not even my spouse (he knows it as he has the same wild, reckless love pursuing him too).
My own photo. Both husband and wife joyfully serve God fulltime, with joy, love, strength and grace from the One who loves us with wild, reckless love.
Pst! This wild, reckless love is not just for me, it's for all. I am not imposing everyone to change religion, but rather to give you the assurance no matter where you are or how ugly was your past, you are still deeply loved.💟💝💜💛💚💙💗💖♥️
Lastly, please enjoy this song as much as I did.
Reckless Love by Cory Asbury, Caleb Culver, Ran Jackson
© 2017 Bethel Music Publishing (ASCAP)
Verse 1
Before I spoke a word, You were singing over me
You have been so, so good to me
Before I took a breath, You breathed Your life in me
You have been so, so kind to me
Chorus
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights ‘til I’m found, leaves the ninety-nine
I couldn’t earn it, I don’t deserve it, still You give Yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Verse 2
When I was Your foe, still Your love fought for me
You have been so, so good to me
When I felt no worth, You paid it all for me
You have been so, so kind to me
Bridge
There’s no shadow You won’t light up
Mountain You won’t climb up
Coming after me
There’s no wall You won’t kick down
Lie You won’t tear down
Coming after me
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