There is a lot of people suffering from sex and love addiction. And saying that might create reactions, especially from people who suffers from the problem.
I will describe some of the most common symptoms, and categories and also explain why it still is so difficult to look for help, beyond the obvious reason-shame. Finally I will list a few self assessment questions for anyone who wants to put your sexaual habits under the microscope, feel you suffer from this problem, or think you know someone who does.
Most people can’t comprehend (get their head around) how sex addiction can be a problem. Isn’t it always fun to have sex? A common question I have met several times when talking to people about my work as a sex addiction therapist. But like all kinds of addiction, it tears families apart, ruins trust, creates guilt, shame, some get the diagnosis depression due to the fact that sex and love addiction not has found it’s way to the DSM (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) yet. Some people lose their jobs and some people actually take their own lives. So the list of consequences is long. The emotional pain and isolation increases over time and can easily be compared with food or gambling addiction or any addiction for that matter.
It is more often the spouse of the addict who starts seeking help. The addicted person, usually full of guilt, shame and self hatred, is often in a state of denial, making it virtually impossible for them to understand they have a problem, though, deep down they feel their whole existence “is” wrong. From the addicts perspective it’s common to think that you are alone being like this. Feeling isolated is a common symptom to all addictions. Here it’s pretty dark “in the tunnel”.
It takes quite some time of treatment to do the necessary changes to “ come back” to living an honest life. But it’s possible for anybody who is honest, open and willing.
The most common types of sexaddiction (known to the professional field) are:
- Fantasy sex
This category doesn’t require more than one person, what you do, you do alone.
- Seductive role play
A huge category, contining basically anything in between being hooked on “the knowing that you could have had sex with that person” and on the other end: having sex with several people daily.
Voyeuristic fantasy sex (a combination of fantasy and voyeurism
This is very common. A person watching porn and masturbates. Of course It doesn’t mean you are addicted just because a person does this (but a lot of people look for help because they have a problem with)
A first assessment
Have you ever er had any negative consequences from your sexual activities?
Have you tried to stop doing the things giving you those consequences?
If yes, did you stop? If no, you might have a problem. (Most people makes mistakes and learn from it.) not to continue despite the consequences indicates that there might be a problem.
Are you occupied with thoughts of what you have done or is going to do sexually?
Have you felt the need to increase your sexual behavior in any way? (Longer periods of time or escalated in any other way?)
(don’t take this too seriously, but if you feel or think you have this problem I recommend you to look for proper help. Patric Carnes has done a lot of enlightening work in the USA for this problem.)
If you are in Sweden look up samverkangruppen.se