As you could see if you had enough to fully peruse my post history, I talk a lot about having cerebral palsy, studying sexology and philosophy, and having survived assault.
Well, let's add another that includes all three!
I'm living in a much bigger city now that I'm in grad school. There's a lot more Tinder variety. In fact, I'm getting close to over 150 matches in this city alone.
I've posted a lot about trying to reclaim my sexuality after abuse, getting comfortable with my place in the BDSM community after having been abused, and just trying to be seen as sexually viable (which is a struggle when you're crippled, but no doubt easier for me as a woman).
Well, I don't really know why I did it. Maybe it was because I was tired of having bad dates but I didn't want to have a one-night stand and feel as though I was alone in a sexual encounter with an ambivalent stranger. Maybe it was because I saw couples on Fetlife who were seeking thirds and I thought it was brave of them. Maybe it was because I was a bit bi-curious.
I didn't want to get out of bed Monday morning, so I was swiping on Tinder and I swiped right on a handsome profile with a man's name, but a few pictures had another woman in them. I read his bio (before I swiped) and it clearly stated they were seeking a third.
I mostly exchange jokes with people on Tinder and they kind of never respond to my attempts to make plans, so my swipe was semi-half-hearted. I exchanged some jokes with the dude, asked about his girlfriend, explained my disability, and made a few cripple jokes.
He invited me to meet him and his girlfriend at a bar for a drink that night, no expectations, just to see if we had chemistry. I agreed, impressed that someone was making plans.
Reddit, I am so new to this city that it is a miracle I can get back from the grocery store. I took a bus (which I thought would take me to the bar) and ended up an hour away from where I had intended to be.
They were super understanding and waited for me even though it was two hours later by the time I got to them.
They invited me to come to their apartment, no sex expected, just to let me look around and see if I felt safe there. I told a friend where I was going and made sure that they would text me in a few hours to see if I was okay, and I accepted.
I got to their place and they realized they had forgotten their keys. We laughed because now I wasn't the only one who had made a mistake that night.
We talked about philosophy, history, true crime stories, drank wine, and I played with their cats. I felt really relaxed, like I had known them forever, and they were both 10/10 hot, so I was very flattered they were interested in me.
I got home safe, they texted me saying they had talked it over and they both really liked me! They wanted to know if I needed more time to get to know them or if I'd be down to essentially fuck them both the next night. I chose the latter option. After we had a good discussion on safety, limits, boundaries, rules, and expectations, of course.
I had never been with a girl before and neither had she. We were both pretty bad at oral--neither of us could find each other's clits, but I fingered her and she seemed to be REALLY into it. I mean, I have cerebral palsy, my fingers are shit. I was proud.
I have freakishly tight muscles so I told them both that penetration was likely impossible unless he was on the less girthy side of things. Haha, nope. Turns out he's the biggest I've seen, which is normally really disappointing for me. I have spastic, tight muscles, meaning I struggle to take an average-sized man, and I have a child-sized mouth, as my dentist calls it.
I felt like I wasn't going to make either of them happy because of my disability and I started to get discouraged, but I actually was able to have him finish really quickly when I did oral and he asked me to do it again as soon as he was ready, so I felt really proud of that.
Of course, I made sure his girlfriend was more involved with him than I was. He liked to watch me play with her a lot so I gave her a ton of attention. While I don't think I could have sex with a girl outside of a threesome situation, (I guess I'm just not attracted to women), I had a lot of fun being with her and I never once felt weird about being with a girl. I made out with her a lot, touched her everywhere, and I think I treated her exactly like I treat the men I have sex with, ya know, other than the paying-attention-to-her-vulva part.
I know I could have performed better, i.e., performed better oral on her. They also had to ask me to be quiet multiple times and I'm a bit embarrassed about that. I know I can be loud and I don't even realize it sometimes.
Also, when you have palsy, your feet are kinda deformed and gross . I could tell he at least noticed that, but he didn't make any comments on it and actually kissed my surgical scars, which hasn't been done since I lost my virginity and I thought it was a REALLY nice gesture.
To top it all off, we managed penetration, but I don't think he enjoyed it on account of condom use, which he and his girlfriend don't typically use. Hey, better safe AND sorry than satisfied with an STI, kids.
They were really pleased after it was over, all smiles during aftercare, thanked me a lot, offered to let me stay over but I really needed to get back home. We had a chat about good books while I was getting dressed, I got hugs and kisses from both of them, they texted to make sure I got home safe, and they couldn't have treated me more normally or made me any happier.
They texted me again today to make sure I wasn't sore, that I had no regrets and that I wasn't feeling anxious or guilty. I feel really normal, like it's any other day, and I think that's the best way a sexual assault survivor could feel after hours of really intense, unusual sex.
I don't know if they'll have me over again or if they'll keep exploring other thirds, but I'm happy I had this experience. It was a real confidence-booster, and I found out that hook-ups in a threesome don't feel cold or ambivalent because you can feel the warmth and love just radiating off of the couple.
They really are a beautiful, strong couple who I have witnessed participating in honest, open communication. They trust each other and they seem really secure about their own selves. I think they could really go the distance and I'm so glad I was able to not only witness their first threesome, but to be a key factor in providing the experience to them.
They were so comfortable making jokes about me, getting to hear about who I am, my family, my interests, my intense love of cats. I felt really cared for and really appreciated.
I wish them the best and I feel like my sex life is gonna be okay from now on if I could handle something like this!
I think right now, I'm not ready to be in a relationship. I always thought I hated hookups, but I'm okay with being a third, I think?
Does anyone have experience with this?
Is it offensive if I say I liked it because I felt like an able-bodied woman for once in my life?
Would you call me bisexual if I'm able to have sex with a woman and enjoy it, but only in a FMF/FFM situation?
AM I A UNICORN NOW?!