Today in America, it is customary to believe that teenagers are going to have sex no matter what. Most sex ed classes stress the need for sexual abstinence before marriage, but then go on to explain that if a teen does engage in sex, they should be sure to use a condom. This is so-called “safe sex.”
In reality, condoms are only 85% effective in preventing the HIV virus. Nor do condoms protect against the STD chlamydia or the human papillomavirus, S. C. Weller, K. Davis-Beaty, “Condom effectiveness in reducing heterosexual HIV transmission,” Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews (2007), Issue 4, Art. No.: CD003255, DOI: 10.1002/14651858. CD003255.
Most importantly, though, condoms certainly don't protect your heart!!
Men and women are wired differently when it comes to dating and sex. Men may be able to have casual sex and walk away with no feelings of attachment. Women, on the other hand, give a lot more meaning to the sexual union, thinking he loves her, and that her giving into sex signals the beginning of a committed relationship. Then all her hopes are dashed when he fails to call her again. She is left devastated and heartbroken.
When this same scenario plays itself out many times in a woman’s life, she can become bitter and end of with a low self-esteem and even self-loathing. When she is promiscuous and experiences multiple one-night stands or hook-ups, she can lose her self-respect as her hopes for commitment are dashed again and again. She can become jaded and overwhelmed with disappointment and anger.
She can form an aversion to men, seeing them all as jerks and pigs. She may become depressed and cynical, believing there are no good men out there at all. She eventually chains up her heart in self-protection, becomes cold and aloof, preventing any intimacy or love from coming in. I believe this is one of the saddest and most painful results of the 1st Sexual Revolution and meaningless, casual sex.
The good news is, a 2nd Sexual Revolution can prevent all of this heartache. I believe young teens should be taught that real intimacy only develops once they’ve gotten to know their potential partner platonically over a 1–2 year courtship. I believe that women do have all the power when it comes to sex and relationships—we just don’t use it. If she is a confident woman with lots of self-respect, she can control whether or not they have sex and can set limits on the amount of hugging, kissing, and touching.
She will dress modestly to invite guys to relate to her mind-heart-and- soul—rather than just her body—saving sex for marriage. Then it becomes his choice to continue dating her or not. If not, he probably wasn’t the one for her anyway.
Once you know your partner on a mind-heart-and- soul level, and you haven’t discovered any obstacles with your families, your personalities, your likes and dislikes, your thought systems, your preferred lifestyles, your religion or spirituality, then marriage and physical intimacy become the culmination of all your love and faith in one another. Sex is then much more exciting, satisfying and meaningful for you both.