There are many and endless guides that can help you to have better sex or orgasms, pills that increase the blood flow to the necessary organs and many tips. But are these the ones that make them truly the best?
Interviews with several experts point to different things. Psychologist Peggy Kleinplatz and several of her colleagues have been involved in a research program that explores techniques to make sexual encounters truly great and use this knowledge to help individuals and couples who struggle with their low libido and poor sexual satisfaction, according to He published El Clarín.
For that, 55 individuals, of which 20 were therapists, participated in the study and answered the secrets about satisfaction in their relationships. Your answers were recorded, transcribed and categorized. The 7 key "ingredients" that were consistently described in all the interviews are described below.
1- Surrender
It refers to being fully present. It is associated with feeling alive in all the senses and giving the best at any time. "The difference is when I can really be myself and totally focus. Being alone in what I have to be in that moment and leaving behind all the thoughts that go through my head about anything else, "explained one participant.
2- Be synchronized
Another characteristic to have optimal sexual experiences was a deep feeling of alignment or state "in sync" with the couple. It was common for participants to borrow words from the language of physics and describe synchronicity in terms of shared energy, electricity or conductivity between people.
3- Not having secrets
Almost all participants identified a profound sense of trust as an indispensable characteristic of an optimal sexual experience. In the same way, they valued their partners very highly, confessing that they had a very deep erotic connection. Many saw these qualities as a prerequisite. "The way you act with someone long before you are really involved in any type of sex is part of it," they summarized.
A deep sense of mutual care was also an important point. One of them explained that during her great sexual relations she felt "loved and desired, accepted and appreciated" by her partner. Trust, security and a deep respect were totally necessary at this point.
4- Good communication
Participants emphasized that the ability to "listen, respond, organize information, recognize what and when, even if they do not tell you, was crucial." They emphasized the importance of sensitivity, "real listening" and "attention to small things".
Many, members of sexual minority groups, believed that the negotiation skills learned from education within the community were especially useful for an incredible sexual experience. Touch itself was treasured as a form of special, direct and erotic communication: many believe that they can read their partners through the body.
The focus was on living in a shared experience. Sex therapists deal with clients who are reluctant to express their wishes verbally and choose nonverbal communication as the safest and most predetermined option. For them, the touch was essential to read the keys and synchronize.
5- Be transparent
Instead of worrying about judgment or touch, many participants expressed the value of being implacably honest with themselves and totally transparent with their sexual partners. One of them defined her best experiences as "sex where you can say anything and be anything". Some respondents described a feeling of disinhibition.
"Being able to be selfish, impulsive, carefree, careless or not planning anything at the moment and be emotionally available and uncontrolled," said one of them. The emotional power of being genuine, being seen and being emotionally nude was repeatedly described as a gift.
6- Take risks
Taking risks and exploring new things were 2 of the most important components. Many compared the optimal sexual experience with a continuous "discovery process", an exploration or a journey in which it was necessary to continuously promote and expand personal sexual boundaries. As one of them explained, "I am an explorer who does not stop experimenting. I'm willing to try anything and see what happens. "
The sense of humor, laughter and joy were vital and served as a safe complement to such exploration and taking of interpersonal risks.
7- Be vulnerable
The power of vulnerability is a common concept these days. Several of the respondents believed that allowing themselves to be vulnerable and surrendering to a partner was the key to having the best sexual experience. The meaning in this context is more interpersonal because the "being able to put all your being in the hands of another person" is important.
In good relationships there are always some barriers that are small but detectable, although when you have good sex they disappear. To be transparent and vulnerable you must feel intensely erotic instead of afraid. In addition, several independently compared the fact of being vulnerable during an optimal sexual experience and surrendering completely to the couple.
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