For people with social anxiety, talking to anyone can be a chore, especially in a group setting.
The apprehension involved in any presentation can be overwhelming, while simple conversations are often muddled by fear of doing, saying or acting in way that may be unbecoming.
Social anxiety is a serious condition, and one that must be nurtured to evolve, which is why when the subject of how to talk to authority figures, like bosses, teachers or even elders, comes up, the overall fear of authority figures becomes incredibly real.
A Natural Fear of Authority Figures
For some, the fear of authority figures is non-existent. These people, who are more likely to have a problem with authority, can seemingly blurt out anything they want to anyone at any time, with no regard for the repercussions. Certainly those with social anxiety will never want to be this person -- nor should anyone, but learning how to talk to authority figures without breaking into a cold sweat and mouth breathing panic would be a great start. There are a number of tips on how to overcome your fear of authority figures, and the first one is to understand that they are people too. They do not hold magic powers, and they cannot hurt you for wanting to communicate with them. Sure, sometimes the fear of authority figures may stem from some of the people in question being complete jerks, but in the real world, professional approaches are easier than you might thing. If you want to learn how to talk to authority figures, the following steps will get you there with just a little practice.
Tips on How to Talk to Authority Figures
First things first, your fear of authority figures may never physically go away, although you can learn how to build your confidence, so it is up to you to use your social anxiety in a constructive way. If you cannot flat out beat the nervous feeling you have when approaching your boss's office, you are going to have to fake it. Learning how to talk to authority figures is easier than you think, even if you are terrified through the entire conversation. Here are a few tips for those who have the fear of authority figures.
Tip One: Stand Up Straight, and Hold Your Ground
Part of your fear of authority figures may mean that you cower to their existence. When your boss (or teacher or anyone you place in a position of authority) comes towards you, stand up straight and do not back up. It may seem like a natural instinct -- because you are terrified -- to back away from their position. Don't. Stand your ground and allow them to engage you. This provides two emotions. First, it gives you confidence that you are doing the right thing, and are going to endure the conversation on your terms. Even if he or she asks you to take a seat right after, be proud of the fact that you stood your ground. Second, the authority figure will realize your body language says, "I know how to talk to authority figures properly" and will engage you accordingly. It is a win/win.
Tip Two: Control Your Nervousness
Your social anxiety and fear of authority figures combined may paralyze you when entering a meeting with your boss, but you do not have to show it. Be conscious of your nervous habits, and control them. Does your leg shake anxiously? Note that it usually does, and focus on remaining still. Do you fidget or shuffle in your seat out of fear of authority figures? Talk yourself through the process, and focus on keeping your hands in your lap and your movement still. Even if you have to tell yourself through the entire conversation "I am not nervous...this is going well...be still...it is almost over" you will at least provide the air of confidence which will be recognized by your superior.
Tip Three: Mind Your Manners & Your Turn
Fear of authority figures often keeps those with social anxiety from remembering their social graces. It is always necessary to look someone in the eye, or say please and thank you. Simply stumbling into someone's office and forgetting every manner you have ever learned the moment you cross the threshold will make you appear more than anxious, but impolite or buffoonish. Learning how to talk to authority figures starts with everything you know about talking: Wait your turn to speak, and do not interrupt the person who has the floor. Introduce yourself to those you have not met, and mention that it was nice to meet them. Thank everyone for their time before exiting, and ask if you can close the door on your way out. Manners go a long way in exuding confidence, so even if you are terrified of the conversation itself, you can control your manners.
Tip Four: Understand that the Authority Figure Was Once in Your Shoes
With the fear of authority figures comes the inability to see that person, or persons, as anything but a powerful person that you are terrified of. Consider seeing that person in your shoes, and how they once were afraid of talking with their boss too. Not everyone starts out as the powerful CEO or Professor, and it is worth noting to yourself that is the case. In fact, if you ever doubt the fact that your boss was once an underling, look up his or her resume so you can familiarize yourself with their route to fame and fortune. Learning how to talk to authority figures often starts with understanding that they are people too, and not just someone who wields complete power over you.
Tip Five: Cancel Your Defensiveness
Sometimes the fear of authority figures stems from the fact that they always have something to say about how YOU could be doing a better job. This is impossible to avoid at times throughout your life, and part of learning how to talk to authority figures is understanding that it is their job to guide you through the process. If your boss wants to talk to you about how you are entering time sheets -- to effectively tell you that you are doing it wrong -- listen to him or her, and what they have to say. Do not become defensive or apply excuses for your procedural oversight, just simply take in the information and apply it accordingly. The same applies to your teachers. If they give you a second chance to fix a paper or project, by telling you what you did wrong, listen and take their advice! Becoming defensive makes you appear defiant and aggressive. Once individuals who have a fear of authority figures appear rebellious or challenging, the authority figure will take note, even if you never meant to deliver those expressions. Part of learning how to talk to authority figures is curbing your reaction to an amiable level.
Tip Six: Focus on Positivity
Social anxiety lends itself to immediate negative thoughts and inner-torturing when an event is on the horizon that is out of your control. If your boss or professor has requested a meeting with you, your initial fear of authority figures will send you reeling! "What did I do wrong?" "Why me?" "Am I going to lose my job?" or "Am I going to flunk this class?" are all things that will begin racing through your mind. Part of this stems from not knowing how to talk to authority figures and the other part is a direct result of your social anxiety: You are programmed to assume negativity in these situations. Changing that vantage point is easier said than done, but not impossible. Start by thinking about the authority figure in a positive way. Remember that he or she was nice to you earlier in the day (or week), asking about your weekend and it is their job to meet with employees from time to time. It is simply your turn. Think positive thoughts, or about things that make you happy until the meeting is actually upon you.
Tip Seven: Do Not Personalize Your Relationship
Social anxiety sufferers have a really hard time distancing themselves from personalizing properties. Simply put, and this is especially true for those who fear authority figures, they believe that the person dislikes them personally, or wants to destroy their spirit for the sake of being awful. The truth is, part of learning how to talk to authority figures begins with understanding that they have a job to do. If you run a stop sign, a police officer is obligated to pull you over and give you a ticket for doing so. He or she does not hate you, or want to see your driving record placed in jeopardy. They simply are enforcing the laws that you are certainly aware of. Social anxiety lends itself to enhancing these fears because it becomes personal for those who suffer from the disorder.
Keep in mind that the authority figures in your life, whether it is your parents, professor, coach or boss, are all providing you with guidance and you have to trust the ability to lead you in the right direction. The first tool in learning how to talk to authority figures it to understand that you are not the first person they have held the position over, and you will not be the last, so do not take it personally.