Dear Secret Santa,
I bet you don't get many letters the day after Christmas. Or do you? No I bet not, in fact now that I think of it I have never once written you a thank you note :(
Anywhoooo, Thank you so much for the wonderful "secret" care package, and also, thank you for not telling me to "keep it a secret" like when I was younger and saw you at the mall.
I was glad to see a return address in Canada, I kind of figured you lived there. Do you know Wayne Gretzky? Or maybe Chandler Stevenson (Golden Knights sticker! I see U Santa, tying things together 'n' shit)!
The assortment of sweets was, well, sweet! The mousse bar was my fave (figures a mousse bar would be from Canada lol). I have never seen anyone half-ass wrap candy canes in bubble wrap but you are such a damn #baller you #DGAF, and I love you for it!
When I opened and read the card I thought you had signed it at the top, you are the "Merry Christmas Dude" after all ;) but then I saw that you signed it all the way at the bottom, leaving a bunch of curious blank space between the factory farmed hilarious joke and your signature. I like to imagine that you drew a picture of you and me (and Julio) down by the school yard.
I do love the Golden Eagle coin you sent, it is silver on the inside and gold on the outside and was made in America! I like to think that it crossed the border illegally, did some good ol' American crimes up there, then was extradited back by Agent Santa-fcuking-Claus BOOM goes the Santamite all up in your ass USA crime eagle!
Ah, Christmas is but a time of dreams, isn't it sir?
The old Canadian coins are really nice too :D Why do they have those mugshots on the back though? Do you guys put criminals on your money too!? Also these coins are kind of dirty. I'm not complaining though, Mr Claus, I am just wondering if this "dirty money" is part of the "crime theme" you seem to be going with here?
Last in the package but #1 in my heart is the little red bell. And I'm picking up what you're laying down here SC, something like, ring ring mofos, often imitated, never duplicated, Canadian Secret Santa does it again!
