I am a minnow artist
I am not the best follower in any sense possible, I am not a good follower on steemit, I do not keep up with all the content I would like to keep up with, I do not even follow my own poor time management, I did not even follow my best loving parents advices, I do not follow direction that well or instructions, I do not follow client requirements, or market analytics- pretty sure I did not use the best expression on this last one, but you are smart , you get what I mean.
I sabotage opportunities or people’s admiration, to see if the opportunity or admiration came to me for the best reasons, because after the first and maybe second chance someone gives to me and I sabotage, if the person sticks with me I know at that point he/she gets me with all my worst and my best, and when I will do mistakes by accident (naturally), I will not disappoint to the point that the value I have to offer is forgotten.
It is not arrogance, but it is a safety net, because I tend to be over optimistic and see only the good in people or in a situation, and when the reality proves to be different, I fall in the darkest pit of sadness.
To give you an example of my self sabotaging actions.
I self sabotage 
He was voting me on and off for awhile, and according to hierarchical minnow/whale etiquette (guessing here) I sent a “thank you” memo trying to explain what I am all about - art and bringing value to the art community on steemit, with the promise I will put the steem (earned from his upvote) to good use and not take it out of the platform anytime soon.
Also inspecting that same etiquette, I realised I should probably sent thank you memos more often(other steemiens were doing that ), but since
At one point he has put me on automatic vote and for a while I enjoyed it a lot, I was capable to put steem in other projects and help other steemians with small donations, but than I started being stressed that he will take me out of automatic vote if I don’t post daily because his curation reward was about 2$ per day from my posts.
Important here to make the connection to the first paragraph I wrote, I cannot feel I work for someone, or be stressed by a time frame, because I stop enjoying what I am doing, and eventually I stop being good at it.
So there were a few options here:
He liked my art and he thought I deserve the support as an artist.
He liked my art and the fact that I was consistently bringing value to the platform.
He liked the daily curation reward from my posts.
So semi intentional and semi coincidental, I stopped posting for 4 days and I lost his upvote, that meaning he was appreciating my consistency(and probably the curation reward) more than my art.
If I receive something for something that I am not good at ( in this case consistency) and instead of receiving for the real value that I have to give, as much as I need it and appreciate it , I know I can not keep up with expectations and at one point I will lose it anyway.
Was I extremely stupid in losing 60$ per day, probably I could have kept it up for longer, to grow my account a bit more, but I haven’t spent more than 8 hours (in one sitting) on a traditional painting in more than 2 months, I have a very important painting I started in january that is still not finished and a sculpture in the same situation …
Why do I need more than 8 hours sittings on artworks? ( my boyfriend asks a lot - telling me I should paint for 2 hours - eat - paint for another 2 hours- exercise- paint again - post on steemit etc )
I cannot , I forget about everything while working (and I love it), I do not need food , not even air while concentrating on a line that has to be perfect, I hold my breath while painting important details. So no I can’t and won’t organize my art creation program to fit my posting daily goal only the other way around.
Now back to the whales …
Please come back to me … not casablanca but
I will send to you 1SBD everyday that I miss posting and keep in mind I am creating value for the platform when I am not posting too, I am on discord contributing to various crypto projects most of the time, and when I am not there either, I am preparing an amazing painting that will probably bring you a better curation reward from my future post.
Also I manage the 
This is the first ( and the last) time I ask for upvote or any on steemit , but since I already commited the sin I will extend it to other few whales that have periodically/automatically shared upvotes on my content.- with the same promise - for every day that I do not post I will transfer the equivalent - curation reward- SBD amount to your wallets- if you put me on automatic of course :P
There are also other whales/orcas/dolphins and witnesses that come to my blog but this post was for those who are not interested in my content or in engagement but appreciate that I am bringing value to the platform constantly and I elucidated now that doesn’t mean that I post daily although apart from the 4 days I almost do :D
From 15th to 20th I will be missing again, going in a city break in Nissa and probably will come back with a post about Matisse museum that I am going to visit :D
