By understanding how women think, men will have an easier time connecting with women in all phases of a relationship. To illustrate the point, here are some insights into how women think that will help you get a better understanding of how to attract women, build rapport with women, and even improve your sex life.
Men often make the mistake of believing women think just like them. For example, since many men find physical appearance to be key to attraction, they assume that women think the same way – that women are only attracted to ‘good-looking’ guys.
But studies (as well as everyday conversations with women) have shown that women simply don’t rate physical appearance as being particularly important for attraction. What women want are strong, confident, powerful men who are comfortable in their own skin.
One often overlooked way to show that powerful confidence to women comes from how you speak to women. See, when a guy lacks confidence with women he’ll often find himself talking faster and at a higher pitch than usual. If you can keep a low pitch while speaking at a steady, deliberate pace, you’ll be able to show that strong confidence women find attractive.
At the heart of it, a woman wants to know that she can trust you to provide a secure, supportive and possibly interesting future; that you have the depth to stand by her, no matter her moods and shortcomings. She needs to know you are strong enough to be faithful and never stray, come what may.
If she is a spiritual woman, she also wants to know that you are in touch with your higher, optimistic self. She seeks your wisdom to stay steady in difficult times, and to help her when she is insecure.
Many women had fathers who did not come through for them, so although being in love feels good, it can also be very frightening. When a man is sensitive to her, offering the right mix of strength and security, she feels safe enough to trust him. We'll assume as a man, you meet the basics for trust - you can handle her moods, you stand on your own feet, hopefully financially and emotionally, and you are absolutely faithful. We'll focus on two areas of support:
A woman feels emotionally supported when you listen. It has been shown that men speak 2000 words a day, women, 7000. While men principally talk to relay facts, make a point, or achieve a goal, women speak for all of these reasons as well as for many other reasons such as to relieve stress, create intimacy, and form a bond.
pupUnfortunately when a man tries to listen, often he either tries to solve her problems or he feels blamed. A woman was telling her husband about a friend. Her husband's response was: “Have I done something wrong?” She had to laugh at the impossibility of his question – he hardly even knew the woman involved. As a man, instead of thinking of your reactions, you can focus on listening. Yogi Bhajan once explained to a group of men, "communicate to others that you have the capacity to hear them." (pt 7, p1)
Joe was a fine detail carpenter and a man of few words. Kathy, his wife of 20 years used to get angry all the time about their lack of communication. In couples therapy, she realized that if he didn't feel blamed, he enjoyed listening to her. In fact, once she started to tell him how much she appreciated his attention, he himself sought out conversation.
One thing Joe didn’t understand though, was why she had to bring up the same issues over and over again. He thought they had settled certain questions the last time they talked. A woman does need to go over the same issues many times (even monthly), but all she needs is that you listen. Maybe there will be some small changes you can make that will relieve the tension. Over much time, with the support of a loving relationship, she can conquer her demons and the issues can change.