It’s been a while since I last committed to writing a story. I find inspiration in daily occurring events, and today I have found some. My question is: Why many strong, independent and smart women are still single?
This post is not to complain or insult anyone as we are all different, but I have come across this tendency many times. Several of my girlfriends have been, will not use the word “ complaining”, but instead "worried" why they are still single even though they look like a whole perfect package. They are intelligent, funny, beautiful (inside & outside), strong, know what they want, determined, have a steady income, they can talk on many different subjects, they take care of themselves, are determined (2x), passionate, but yet they find it hard to find a boyfriend?
How so?
I spoke about this topic with one of my male friends. And we came up with several reasons.
- INTIMIDATION. Men are intimidated by strong women. They get scared that they will never be good enough for her. So what do they do (or not do)? They do not even try to start the conversation as they somehow assume that this particular woman will not be interested. Wrong! Yes, of course you can be rejected. But there is still a chance that this woman will be interested in you, regardless of how strong she is. So give it a chance! Usually rejection will follow if all you can offer to the conversation is “ Hey, how are you?” That’s lame and if this is the only thing, then yes, better off not approaching as intelligent women (not all, not generalising) want to have a decent conversation. So if you think that you are an interesting person or can make a woman laugh, then don’t be scared to approach. In reality smart women like when guys approach, and sometimes “how are you” is a good way to start..only if it’s followed by something...something.
Also keep in mind that strong women are so strong because they have been putting so much effort into working on themselves, and that's only a good thing because you know that they will put twice as much effort into the relationship.
INDEPENDENCE. Men think that a strong, intelligent and an independent women can’t be tamed. That they just don’t need anyone by their side. Wrong assumptions once again! Let’s face it, we are all human beings, and who doesn’t love cuddling..and what it usually leads to. So that's the physical side of it. Also yes, independence women do not rely on men that much, but they still appreciate if you are around. It does take time for an independent woman to let a guy in and start to rely on them more. Can you blame them? Independent women just need time to get out of habit of doing everything on their own as this is the only way the know how to. You can always be the one who shows that there can be a balance and mutual help.
PLANS. Independent and intelligent women have plans. They are determined. They know what they want. So they talk about their plans with a big excitement, and all of the things they want to get done, all of the places they want to travel to. And that scares men because they do not see that they could fit into all those plans. And yet again what do they do? They turn around and run! They should definitely not! Why? Because these women have made those plans while being alone, and of course that makes sense that they do not include anyone else but themselves, and that’s because they do not have anyone by their side, their partner, to consider with. So next time you get scared by all the plans you hear women talk about, don’t run. Firstly remember that women like planning, and secondly that independent women make plans, but they are also willing rearrange the plans when someone worthy comes along.
FINANCIALLY WELL OFF. Yes, women can earn as much money as men, and even more. But somehow some men are afraid of that. And this is something I cannot understand. Wouldn’t you want a woman who can provide for herself? Who can afford all those shopping tours? Because this way you don’t have to work late hours or the job you hate so your woman could afford to…live. So me, and some of my mates, noticed that some men love it that much that they are with women only because of the money as they do not want to work and rather have a wealthy women taking care of them. Toy-boys basically. Something that is also beyond my understanding. We also have women who are independent but not very wealthy. The reason? God knows! Maybe they do not care that much about materialistic side, and rather have the experience. Maybe they are not business minded, maybe just unfortunate choices in life, maybe they chose the speciality that does not provide big dollar bills but enjoyment and satisfaction instead. The reasons are countless, but that does not make them less independent or smart.
I can count many other reason why men don’t approach women who seem to be intelligent, strong and independent. Also one of the phrases that I recently read by Natalie Portman, and I don’t know if she was the one who actually said it because you cannot trust everything you find on Google! Anyhow, she said: Smart women love smart men more than smart men love smart women!”
It couldn’t be more accurate. I discussed it with a male friend of mine as I really wanted to know the reason why? Like really, really. He thought that smart man sometimes prefers a “ trophy wife” because after having an intensive workday behind him, he only cares about needs like eating, clean house, sex, and could care less about the conversation that would stimulate his brain.
To me this reason sounded stupid because I instantly thought about myself. Even after a long work day or whatever I have been up to, and the days are usually full of mind stimulation events, even if I come home I still want to talk about interesting subjects, discuss something that matters, regardless if it’s with family, friends, boyfriend, or whoever. So I find it hard to believe that an intelligent man just shuts his brain down because his work life is intensive? Basically that says that men do not care who they are with as long as she cooks, cleans, and gives him sex? That work is the place where they actually make an effort to do something, and home is a happy home when it tastes and looks good? I doubt it. So please smart, intelligent men, please fill me in why would you rather have a very pretty girl instead of the one who feeds you emotionally, of course if you do?
Also some of the advise I have heard male friends giving to a strong female friends is a follows...well, the bottomline was that a smart and a strong women should act more stupid and weak so men would feel worthy enough and would not run away after finding out all the things that they do in their life? That is one of the most stupid advises I have ever heard! Why would a strong woman want to pretend that she’s weaker? So she could find a real man? Because eventually the real personality comes out anyway. And here we will not discuss who is “ real” man as it’s different for everyone. Could this really work???
Also something I noticed is that even though smart women are strong, they still like to be dominated, either in bedroom, physically (loving tall or gym-pumped guys), or maybe sometimes they just want to hear someone saying “hey, that’s stupid, stop doing that”. Just saying…because they do not hear something like that often. Or if they do then those people telling those words just don’t matter to them. So if you will be able to dominate a strong woman in some aspect(s) of life, there is a high chance she will find you attractive.
As said that these points do not apply to everyone. But if you have something to say, then please leave comments below as I would REALLY like to know approach this subject. Should strong women pretend to be less strong? Should they keep on doing the same thing which means that they might be single for a long time to come? I want to know how to stop men running away from smart, independent and determined women? Because believe me they are one hell of a catch! You just have to stop running away and give it a go! Many men don’t do that, trust me! So you have a higher chance of scoring! You do get plus points for trying! Just saying…