Even though sun was very bright in that morning, it felt lukewarm. It might be caused by the sea breeze. Or it might be caused by the silence. I had been sitting on the white sand for quite a while now, staring into the ocean. Occasionally, there were sail boats appeared at far edge of blue. I spaced out a few times and the sail boats were still there.
From where i was sitting, she used to be just a few inches away. She will always be at the distance, where, if i stretch out my hand over, i could touch her. I always wondered what she was thinking at the moment like this, sitting beside me, staring at the ocean together.
Did i bore you? I asked her once. It was one of those day when we were still teenagers.
No, why would i be bored by you? She answered me quickly, shaking her head. Strains of her short hair covered part of her face because of wind, but i knew she was smiling when she answered. For an instant at that moment, i thought i could smell the scent of shampoo. It's me wanted to sit with you here, alone with you, she said.
Faint roar of waves hit the shore, brought in by the gentle sea breeze, rattling the tree leafs along its way.
She once said. Looking at the sea made me thinking of a lot of things. It made me think of my life, but most of the time it makes me feel sad. Sea is that kind of place, it is beautiful and peaceful, yet i can't help but thinking it is silently crying all the time. Sea is just that kind of place, it keeps all the sorrow to itself so people can happily live on. I can't bear to see it shoulders all the burden.
I have never told her that before but I always feel the same thing, the same sorrow. I just thought it was not normal to be saying something like that, after all, many people find the opposite feeling towards the sea. I didn't know what was right to think about back then. I have never told her that we were feeling the same thing. Even though she always wore that cheerful smile in front of me, i know she always felt so alone in this world. It is saddening for me to see it shoulders all the burden too, if i could be part of it? She must be thinking the same question.
At last year of high school, she transferred to another school, a few hours of driving distance from my place. I didn't know until the night she came and bid farewell. No matter where i go, i promise i will always be close to you. She said while holding her palm to my chest, her cheerful exterior with a sense of sadness deep down. I have never realized farewell can be so dramatic, probably deep down i understood that i will never be able to see her again. i cried the whole night to sleep.
Since then, I never heard from her again, and i never had the chance to tell her anymore. Tell her that she is not alone in this world.
Some how in that sunny morning by the sea, as the sea breeze gently caressed my skin, i felt a familiar warmth enveloped my body. It was all so familiar, just like her body warmth. Warm tear streamed down from my eyes non-stoppably and suddenly I don't feel lonely anymore. She was probably in a happier place now.