I wonder what I'd be doing if I was still drinking...... It came to me even 6 years away from my last one....as I listen to my formerly sober friend Ed ramble on from a cell phone camera about how he loves shopping at the HSN and living in a RV, under the Bayshore freeway. By the way, the HSN stands for Homeless Shopping Network. Thats how bad it has gotten for Ed.
We hadn't spoken to Ed in a while. Hadn't heard from him. It's unspoken in our circles, but when that happens...we usually know what it means. Seeing him haphazardly through a wandering phone camera smiling off and on with his skinny face and newly formed cowboy hat reinforced my vigilance to protect my sobriety.....at all costs. Friends, family, situations, challenges, changing canvases - all take a back seat to what is most important to our lives.....mental health.
Ed let his become less important.
Bragging about how he has a " nice RV " and " never has to pay rent again " is code for "I want to use " We all know it. We have seen this play before. But when you are in the thick of it, you don't think others see you. But we do.
In a truly mesmerizing sequence of unintelligible babble he finished off his diatribe with " my toe was rubbing against my shoe so bad......I just told them to take it off.....so now I'm MINUS A TOE "
What?! The fact that he says this in jest is the most concerning part.
I see Ed losing more and more as time creeps along in the year that will never end.........including but not limited to.....
his Mental Health.
If you see Ed by the Bayshore Freeway, " shopping " in his new "network" give him my best.......
And get him to a meeting..........
He'll be the guy in the 10 gallon Cowboy Hat......continuing on........