It is quite normal to feel apprehensive, nervous and tensed before an important event or situation or when you perceive a potential danger. Feeling tensed before a job interview or when confessing your feelings to someone you love is quite normal. However, if you feel tensed almost always and are particularly scared of social situations, it is likely that you have heightened social anxiety.
What is Social Anxiety
Social anxiety refers to feeling anxious when facing or thinking of social situations primarily because of the fear of being judged. If you have social anxiety, you are likely to feel scared of being around people because you feel they will judge you, criticize you and think negatively of you. This fear is mostly rooted in your negative and limiting thoughts. You feel sure that the other person is looking at you and nobody else and is thinking negatively about you. This makes you nurture a strong, negative belief which in turn triggers your anxiety.
How Social Anxiety Restricts You from Living Happily
While your social anxiety may seem normal to you because you now have the habit to live with it, this issue is restricting you from living a happy, peaceful and meaningful life. your fear keeps you from mingling with people, going out in social gatherings and expressing your viewpoints to others confidently. Whether you just need to do some grocery or have a client to attend to or are invited to a friend’s party, you will find it extremely tough to prepare yourself for that social situation and carry out the tasks associated with it.
Naturally, when you have to convince yourself for hours to go out in a social situation, you are likely to feel incredibly stressed. This stress exhibits itself in your mood swings, irritable behavior and gloominess. You find it difficult to feel happy from within and this stress also makes it tough for you to carry out your personal and professional duties. Since my husband suffered from heightened social anxiety for a very long time, I know the perils associated with it. He used to find it extremely difficult to go out and meet people even when he wanted to. Before going out in a social gathering of around 10 people, he used to spend hours convincing himself that everything will be alright and that he won’t suffer from any emotional harm. If someone even glanced at him, he used to feel that the other person was formulating plans to insult and ridicule him. This kept him from speaking confidently and expressing his views to others. His anxiety used to aggravate whenever he had to meet some authority figure in his life.
Fortunately, his situation has improved to a great extent and he is now in a much better place. He is now more confident and calmer than before and finds it easier to face and experience social situations. Of the different things he tried, the following helped him curb his anxiety successfully.
Tips to Curb Your Social Anxiety
Focus on the Surroundings and the Environment: Usually, when you are sure that someone else in a social situation is staring at you or judging you in his head, it is nothing but a fabrication of your own mind. To let go of such worries and to calm yourself down, shift your focus from the people around you to the details of the environment. Observe the color of the walls, look at any art you see on the wall, see how the tables are set or anything else in your surroundings. Once you start observing these things, you’ll find yourself calming down and when you are in a relaxed state of mind, you’ll soon realize that nobody is really criticizing or judging you.
Ask Questions: In situations where you have to interact with people, shift attention from yourself on to them by asking them questions. If you feel intimidated by others, ask them questions about their work and life. When you know you aren’t under the spotlight and don’t have to answer questions, you’ll feel calmer than before.
Breathe and Let your Anxiety Out: Before facing a social situation, take a few deep, cleansing breaths to get rid of all the anxiety bubbling inside you. Inhale deeply through your nose and exhale forcefully through your mouth. Stay with your breath for a few minutes and soon enough, you’ll find your mind returning to the present. Usually, anxiety attacks you when you wander off in thoughts. Either you think about your previous social experiences that didn’t go to well and feel frustrated or you start overthinking about what may happen and become anxious in the process. Deep breathing and staying with your breath slowly brings your mind back to the present so you calm down and live in the moment.
Understand that Nobody is Perfect: So what if you have anxiety issues? There are many people around you who may be going through the same and others who may be going through worse. Each one of us have our share of issues and problems so if you have anxiety, that doesn’t make you less in any way. Talk to people to find out more about their issues and problems. This will better help you understand the problems people go through and give you hope.
Talk Nicely to Yourself: Positive self-talk work wonders in resolving all your problems and issues. Whether it is to encourage yourself to do your work or believe in yourself, positive self-talk can do the trick. When you find it hard to stay put in a social situation, start talking very nicely to yourself. Listen to the voice of your anxious mind and reply to it in a soothing, calm and positive tone. If it says ‘You will make a fool of yourself’, reply it with something hopeful and realistic like ‘How about I just go out and see what happens.’ If your mind says ‘You won’t enjoy being around people’, you could say ‘What if I love talking to others.’ Just be nice to yourself and you’ll easily soothe your stressed nerves.
Employ these strategies and make sure to do them consistently. Patience, consistency and belief in yourself can get you through any problem so use these tools and build a more meaningful life for yourself. Good luck!