people dont like to accept responsibilty for being in abusive relationships
whether you're the abusive one
or the abused
or both
people don't acknowledge that most abusive relationships are consensual
at least on a subconcious level
we attract what we think we deserve
abusive relationships are like having a relationship under fire
in a warzone
there really are no rules
both people understand, intuitively its not healthy
but neither leaves
co dependency
a socially acceptable addiction
you hate yourself but dont want to be alone
most days go back and forth between fucking and fighting
anger
lust
release
and repeat.....
expecting the same person that makes you feel like shit
to make you feel better
they are in total control of your happininess
they give a little
take away a little more
give a little
take away a little more....
they only give to take away
i can't give what i take away
both people are miserable
but instead of genuinely commiserating
and
comforting one another
they each sieze the opportunity
to criticize
instead, waiting for the other person to fuck up
so they can say
HAHA!
i told you so!
.
and so it goes back and forth
each new wrong by one person
justifies the other persons wrong before it
trading jibes
killing vibes
fuck you!
no, haha!
fuck you very much!
in my opinion, verbal abuse is much worse than the physical
its not the loud screaming and name calling so much as the
overall tone of day to day conversations
no matter what the conversation is
all you start to hear is
"oh great,you fucked up again"
"because thats what you are"...
"a fuck up"
it would get to the point where i couldnt tell if
she was actually saying it
or
it was all in my head
yep, id much rather get slapped and take a punch
than to have someone push my buttons all day
odd as that may sound
or
worse than pushing your buttons
fuck your friends
thats the worst
nothing can break your heart more than that
when you already feel like shit about yourself
and it inevtably sets you up for disaster in following relationships
because you dont trust anybody...
friends
or
lovers
destructive relationships stem from people unwilling to be alone
not being happy with themselves
and
out of desperation
choose to let people into their lives
again, looking externally for completeness
Looking for "love" in all the wrong places
We all want somebody to love us
to be intimate with...
But we have to love ourselves first
Nobody deserves to be abused
but we need to ask why it happens as much as it does
chalking it up to "bad people" solves nothing
it doesn't acknowledge the fact that the most abusive people have had the same thing done to them
abuse is passed down
learned
if an abused person doesnt address the issue the cycle of abuse continues
never hit a woman
good rule
but
i would change this to "never hit anyone"
doesnt that make more sense?
meaning its not okay for women to hit men either
there seems to be a cultural double standard with this
now, if a smaller weaker man
hits a bigger man
and the bigger man retaliates
its considered understandeable
why then is it different if the aggressor is a woman?
what does gender have to do with responding instinctively to aggression?
its a natural reaction
i thought we were all equals?
no?
regardless of gender, if you intentionally provoke somebody
you are responsible for what comes next
dont hide behind imaginary rules of ettiquette
everybody is responsible for controlling their anger
whether you are
young
old
female
male
And, why the fuck aren't people smart enough
to recognize the warning signs
before abuse goes full throttle?
Where's the accountability there?
who is responsible for my judgement?
i am
abusive people don't all look the same
rich
poor
men
women
young
old
People will allow a person into their life
and then play the victim
because its better than being alone
Which brings me to people who love to play the victim
both men and women
men will get aggressive
women will empty your bank account
Some people constantly bring negative people
into their lives just so they can feel like the victim
I suppose in some sense it makes them feel better about themselves
they go their whole lives playing the victim
know why?
Because it's easier to blame other people
than it is to look good and hard at yourself and your own decisions
it relieves them of accountability
"my life wouldve been better if i hadnt met you"
sure it would have
not acknowledging that it was their choice too
no accountability
It never fails to amaze me when people are admittedly attracted to
"bad boys"
or
"bad girls"
and then whine about them living up to their reputation
and
just because someone is sweet and trusting
does not excuse them from the responsibility of their decisions
perspective
When it comes to the consistent abuse of women
we have to remember that up until about 70 years ago in the US
women were expected to obey
couldn't vote
couldn't voice their opinion
they were considered lesser
All this shit trickles down folks to the collective mentality
it was culturally acceptable for men to control women
i obviously don't agree with this
i find liberated women refreshing
I'm simply pointing out
that the world has changed really fast
technologically
sociologically
maybe the chauvenist industrial attitude still faintly lingers
men are trying to figure out there new roles
it can be somewhat confusing at times
fanatical feminism seems to often contradict itself
"women are the same as men but dont talk to us like men"
folks, vulnerability is what attracts men to women
if you insist you are the same as a man
it fucks with the natural order of things
women CAN do everything a man can do
most certainly
but we excel at different things
the difference is the attraction
the difference is why
i am not justifying abusive behavior
simply providing an explanation
as to why some men still behave the way they do
not only do evolutionary gender roles play a role
(to act as a protector)
but
the industrial age sensibilitiy and conditioning
is transitioning to something new
to what i have no idea
apparently robot fuck dolls are involved though
virtual sex
kids getting sex changes
shit's about to get weird
one day you'll probably even hear people say
"jeez"
"i sure do miss the good old days"
"the golden years of domestic violence"
"when abuse was between a real man and a real woman"
"as it should be"
"now all i got is this goddamn robot to scream at"
"shit"
The point is this
you have the choice who you let into your life
It is your decision
therefore the responsibility of that decision falls on you
Stop assuming that everybody plays by your rules and has honorable intentions
it sucks. i know
all the bad shit starts when two
miserable
desperate
people find each other because they hate being alone
As much as I long to be connected with somebody
to relate with a special lady
to find a permanent muse
I am not actively looking for anyone
and when it's suppose to happen
it'll happen
or not
whatever.....
i'll just hump me a goddamn naked robot
precursors to abuse
lying
jealousy
when there is lying
trouble is not far behind
for example
catching someone in a lie can be a volatile situation
especially if they have been questioned about
the lie before......
its the liars that usually flip out the most
not the person who's been lied too
if your the one thats lying
and you have a conscience
you will be consumed with guilt and shame
walking on eggshells
no way to live
lying nearly always has to do with:
another love interest
or
money
forever in debt to your priceless
advice from the love doctor
(yeah me fuckhead)
if you consistently catch your partner lying
its time to calmly reevaluate the situation
don't do something you'll regret
like
become aggressive
provoke a psycho
most people have that
"one thing"
that can make them come unhinged
it's finding out there partner is cheating
not just men either
an angry woman could easily call the police
and
claim domestic violence
there are a lot of dudes sitting in jail
right now for pissing their lady off
cut your losses
reasonable people with self respect
just walk away and move on
with their lives...
slip out the back jack
make a new plan stan
be civilized
maybe take the pet
or
put some visine in the juice in the fridge
be creative
jealousy
no amount of jealousy is good
it always gets progressively worse
jealousy is.......
the most useless
self destructive emotion
it accompolishes nothing
and
its the most unattractive quality
it's all consuming
its counter productive
you
can never make someone love you
simple
when you're going through it you know
logically
it makes no sense...
and it makes you hate you're self even more
but you can't stop yourself from doing it
jealousy is dangerous
its worse than
full blown crack addiction
it's uncontrollable
you never know where its going to be directed
at you?
at a friend of yours?
you must love in a way
that makes the person you love feel free
why do people get jealous?
insecurity mostly
feelings of inadequacy
maybe they've been cheated on before
maybe they just don't want to be alone
guilt. they're doing shady shit on the side
and projecting because of a guilty conscience
i have been jealous
i have had jealous girlfriends
i think it's natural to have a jealous phase
but
snap the fuck out of it Fanny!
maybe you and the other person have different ideas of love
if you dont like the way they dress
or
behavior
move on......
remember this:
it is never somebody else's fault
for making you jealous.....
if you have an attractive or interesting partner
people are occasionally going to notice
unless you make 'em wear a mask
or
lock them in the basement
masochism schizm
i knew a guy with jealous tendencies
that thought it would be a good idea
to date a stripper
poor fucker
never knew what hit him
on a daily basis i was reassuring him
"of course she doesnt ever let other guys touch her tits!"
"she makes $500 a night with chit chat"
"sure you guys are gonna get married"
after the breakup he super glued his
dong hole shut and took a vow of celibacy.
i'm kidding
but some people are really that oblivious
when it comes to relationships
they convince themselves they're going
to make it work on the first date
when you decide to "make it work"
before actually tallying up the evidence
you're fucked
its like saying
"i may end up not liking anything about you"
"we may have nothing in common"
"but I'm committed to the idea of US"
more redundant examples would be like saying:
your favorite food is nachos, but you've never
eaten them
your favorite country is brazil, but you've never been there
your favorite color is green, but you're blind
your favorite author is DR.Seuss, but you've never read him
whats the point?
how the fuck should i know?
but if i had to guess........
experience whatever you're interested in
before you proclaim your devotion
experience things without preconcieved notions
experience things and people as they are
without trying to change them
to your specifications
being in love
is different
than
being in love
with the
idea of being in love