We saw this really cute, fun film last night. Called Good Luck to You, Leo Grande. About a middle-aged (is 50-60 still middle-age? Who knows..) widowed schoolteacher who hires a much younger, very attractive male escort. Over a handful of sessions, they get to know each other, and take a crack at a very hotly debated topic in our society - sex work. Really recommend the movie, it made me laugh a lot, and the two lead roles (Emma Thompson in a very brave performance, and Dylan McCormack) are top notch acting, in my book.
But much as I enjoyed this film, the theme itself kept bugging me, as it's a subject I've been thinking about a lot. I pointed out that this movie is only humorous because it's an older woman with a male escort. If it were reversed, even if it was a really likable older guy, I just don't think talking about blow jobs and sex toys would've had the same zing. Bear in mind I'm not talking the golden-heart prostitute falls for client stereotype a la Pretty Woman. Not to spoil it for you, but this film is strictly about a professional client-sex worker relationship.
The movie even touches on this, with Thompson asking at one point something like "It's quite different for girls in your line of work, isn't it?". This is actually an idea I've heard in interviews with actual male sex workers.
There's this one guy, a stripper, who talks about how cool his life is -- pretty, rich women worship and blow him, essentially. The way he tells it, at least, it sounds like many a man's dream. In the next breath, he goes on to say he would never encourage a woman to get into this line of work, for some of the things he's seen.
I was listening to a podcast the other day, that also touched on sex workers, and raised the fascinating question of the "sex work" double standard.
On the one hand, you've got these "feminists" (quotation marks, as I don't think this is an empowering thing, at all) insisting that sex is like any other job. But on the other, you've got this whole #MeToo debacle. But if sex is just another type of paid service, then what was the big deal about Harvey Weinstein wanting a blow job, if it's just like making him a coffee?
Granted, one could argue that he requested a service that didn't fall in the woman's job description. Like a boss asking you to wash his car, or pick up his dry cleaning. You might object, and quite rightly so, but it would hardly constitute grounds for legal action. So there's a double standard there. We can't seem to make up our minds -- is sex work just another job, or is it more? I think there's a lot of attempted dissociation at work. Trying to break apart from something that's been essential to the survival of our species from the very beginning, and trying to label it as just another trade of goods seems wrong to me. Because it's not.
Obviously, I'm not saying sex work, as we so quaintly choose to call it, is a modern product. It's the oldest job in the world, undoubtedly, but it's only very recently that we started pretending it ain't no big deal. But how can that be? Look how essential sex is in our daily lives. If we can't get it, we become frustrated, depressed, bitter, and potentially dangerous. it affects our role in society on a very basic level. So I don't think it can be labeled as "unimportant" at all.
The same podcast raised another fascinating argument, citing the fact that sex workers have higher levels of PTSD than any other sector, including war veterans. Odd, for such a feminist, empowering profession, no? They went on to explain that the reason for this is, that a woman's body is still very much working on an old-school, primal plain. In that, whenever a woman sleeps with a man, that woman's subconscious judges him as a potential reproductive mate. Obviously, your mind knows you won't get pregnant (due to the contraceptive method of choice), but your body, apparently, does not. This apparently is also why women tend to be more selective sexually than men, because of the increased pregnancy risk.
So it kinda makes sense that a prostitute, when sleeping with clients, might be thinking oh, this is okay, and about what she'll do with the money, and how not to get killed and shit (since it's also a very dangerous profession). But subconsciously, she's thinking what if I get pregnant with this sleazebag? And no, abortion isn't really an answer, because that only works on the conscious level (same as with contraception), not on a subconscious one.
So if your body thinks it's so important... then maybe, shouldn't you?
I don't know. I tend to be quite liberal, and have always had very outside-the-box opinions about sex. Live and let live, you know? But I'm also fascinated by society, and how that evolves, because that's shaping our future, and more importantly, that of our kids.
Right now, we live in a society that's telling us sex work is fine. And not just prostitution, but also stuff like porn and OnlyFans, and all that digital world. Which is still sex work. You're still selling sex, even if not openly. Meanwhile, porn is messing up with men's minds, rendering them impotent, and basically faking the sexual element that is so necessary in a healthy life. All these are tremendous downsides to the porn industry. I say men because men seem to be more at risk. You rarely hear about women addicted to porn, or failing to have relationships because of it, though I imagine that may also be an issue.
So, it's bad for the clients.
Then, you've got the girls doing it (and boys, but as I was saying, I expect there's a bit of a gender difference here). Who are told to man up and override their primal instincts, which are there to protect and help them through life. And to sell their sacred, feminine sexual energy for a handful of dollars. And yes, I'm aware many of these girls are doing it of their own accord. Which is not to say they're not heavily influenced by the culture and society they grew up in.
I mean, my friend who, like me, is in her early 20s, keeps telling me about all these TikTok people she sees, talking about the millions of dollars they're making off of sites like OnlyFans. We often joke about saying screw it and taking this up, instead. But jokes easily become truth, and I'm sure there are many young, broke girls out there who figure... well, why is it so bad to put some naked photos of me out there? Even overlooking the obvious security risk of having your nudes leaked, this sort of work just seems so detrimental psychologically to young women, that it baffles me that we treat it like such a normal thing.
By the time these girls figure out that those women "making millions off of OnlyFans" are actually only one or two, and were possibly famous before joining, it's too late. They're in this. And since the Internet is forever, even if they stop now, the damage is already done.
Quick Note: I'm not saying I think we should somehow outlaw prostitution or even porn. I don't think that would be doable, because look at history. But I do think we should stop normalizing and even glorifying it. I think some things should remain sacred, even in our atheistic society. And I do think reproduction and childbearing should be one of them. That being said, this post is meant as an indictment of our society and commonly agreed upon "cultural values". Personally, I have nothing but understanding and respect for sex workers, and always have.