The Anonymous Society
We live alone among the crowds. It is possible to get through life without a single friend. A person can go through life without being able to ever making a meaningful relationship. The city and the anonymity that accompanies it allow this to happen. At the same time, we have the illusion of knowing more people than we actually know. There is a fair difference between knowing someone and being able to remember who they are. Studies show humans are meant to live in groups of at most 150 individuals. That means we should be able to readily recognize and identify members of our troop. As part of this series, I'll try to make my own list of people who could be part of my troop. The names are hashed to give some privacy.
Troop Members
c8aa20c9fbabc925971563da698ba90a: He is arguably my best friend. There is no need to prove I know how, but I can tell that despite so many years of knowing him, there are things we keep to our own. Just as he doesn't press to find out my stuff, I let him keep things to himself as he wants.
ffe28a8ee1fc8253daf6f63ba65b3f55: He has a younger brother who is very different from him. He is somewhat insecure and caves in when pressed. He has gone perhaps too far to fit in the group. Regardless, he can be considered a good friend. In the years I've known him, he hasn't been aggressive, but timid. He has stayed true to his ideals of what he considers to be his goals in life and has followed them. He also fears dogs.
6ac7e7cb98958d39186c52d3c252ac53: She was the prime example of being popular but unhappy. Since we were children, she was already pretty, and she was the first one who developed her chest. A lot of hubbub always surrounded her, and she probably lacked a sense of privacy. She was also constantly judged for her boyfriend decisions, and gossip didn't stop. I would guess she was supported by her older sister. They seem to be very close in many regards. She does well in school, as she is an average student, yet strives to do things well. She probably classifies as a perfectionist. Growing up being on the spotlight, being judged and adored must have been difficult, and I wonder how she looks back at that life.
c15cad14ef7b7fb9f34c3e067291722c: She and I were best friends until we broke up due to my actions. I assume the guilt. She is a little neurotic and probably not the smartest person around, but she tries to be cheerful. She can lend a caring ear and is willing to help her friends beyond what most people do. One could say she is fiercely loyal. Her parents are divorced, but she doesn't favor one over the other. She values her time with both, as well as her time with her sister. She loves animals and also sneezes many times in a row. She was never good at sports, but she was a very good realistic fiction writer. Most of her stories seemed to revolve around a tragic event or a murder, but they were well-developed nonetheless.
9c2580e39431d7ead706c010bb506cf6: She was my crush, friend, girlfriend, and stranger. For years our loves revolved around each other, which probably defined who we are today. We know each other, but at the same time I was blinded by love at the time. I include her in my list because of the years we spent together or fought each other. Maybe we weren't meant for each other and didn't understand how we felt, but it was definitely something. I dare not say I know her, but I swear I did love her.
c277affb00692284783b96fa695a710f: He is one of the few persons who might have let me get into his life. I do not inquire past the point he wants to freely share, but he looks for me in many situations, even if we know each other for not so many years. He is laid-back and is sure everything works out in the end. I'd like to say I've learned a lot from him, and at the same time he has learned from me. Together we have pushed through college, supporting each other and cheering when things don't work out. Maybe I don't know him all that deeply in his past, but I know his present and why he is a great friend.
2757301ea72211f9d28318c904192d09: He is really smart, but sometimes lacks motivation. He is also very affectionate and loyal. Although he looks to be cold, he is actually a very warm person. There is almost no point in writing a list of things he likes, since we have seen each other since the first day of classes in college. Thanks to him I felt I had made a friend for the first time after leaving high school.
895609825b0b4976fde95709609e8fcc: She was my best friend for many years until it began to fall apart. I knew her so well to the extent of being able to tell her mood from a couple of text messages. I could see right through her in most instances, and she knew me as well. She was very supportive when I was depressed and I never had a chance to pay back for her help. At least we didn't break up in an aggressive way, but a fading friendship also shatters the heart.
ef053735245609dc01a6894f65259e67: He was my first friend. He saw right through me. It was because of him that I was able to pull through school. He knew I needed help and was the first one to notice I was depressed, without either of us knowing about the idea of depression. We were geographically separated and after parting ways each text message or email got more and more spread out until none came anymore. I add him in the list because he is inside me, in the person I am, even if I don't know who he is today.
89e6cd913020577b826dcdddaba9ff90: He was a friend with whom I didn't interact too much until my later years in high school. After our personalities were more defined, we found out we were able to understand each other. We shared advice mutually, especially regarding relationships. I'm not sure he ever needed my help at all, but I tried to be there to reason with him and make things work. Maybe we aren't considered best friends, especially because we are geographically apart, but I know we trust each other deeply.
a9831144d0a67872fcf6249a52a5338a: He was also a late friend who I knew since earlier. He was out-shadowed by a sibling, so he needed to struggle twice as hard. Destiny brought us together in the last two years of high school, and even if we don't share intimate stuff with each other, we stay in contact and know a fair deal about each others' ideals. He could be considered the archetype of a modern day chivalrous gentleman, and I admire him for his stoicism.
2ccd8b7c0cd2306058260b8c2545912c: She is an incredibly complex person. When I deal with her, I need to use utmost care with my words. Some people would call her a human landmine. She is very loyal and truthful, but perhaps a little bit too driven by emotion, which has led her to problems in the past and present. Curiously enough, we talk about intimate thoughts or deep conversations without getting involved with each other, perhaps because we have placed a consensually-agreed line.
Closing Comment
Apart from these people there are other persons who I could claim I know, but there is a clear level of separation between them and me. There is one person from the list above who probably doesn't feel the same about me, but I always felt right being around that person, so from my perspective I'd say she makes the cut. That is it. Saying that I know more people than those above plus family would be stretching it. These people belong to part of my "troop". Even when we don't live in a natural setting, these persons conform my group of humans.
Can you identify your troop in the city's maze of anonymity and neurosis? Between the concrete walls we can find our connection. We naturally hold up to 150 of those friends. I didn't get to 20.