For most of my adult life, I have associated the Winter Solstice — rather than January 1st — with "The Turning of the Year."
I suppose it makes some sense since the earliest humans — pre-calendars — pretty much only had seasons, the position of the sun and moon, and skies to mark the passing of time. I think I also like using the Solstice as a reference point because it generally passes quietly, absent the drunken revelry, noise and peer-pressure generated "resolutions" that fly about on January 1st.
Morning Moon
A Better Year...
I realize today isn't the actual Solstice, but when I went outside to the back yard this morning, that big "Solstice Moon" was setting in the west... so I stood for a few moments and contemplated the world, while the dog did her "thing."
I reflected on the way we very earnestly hope for — and set the intent for — "a better year" ahead, and yet it never seems like "better years" actually come.
I remember the end of 2015; wishing for a better year in 2016... but 2016 was actually worse. So we wished for a better 2017 and out a lot of energy into that... and 2017 turned out to be a long series of setback, death, terminal illnesses and financial distress. Lather, rinse, repeat for 2018.
Not to sound excessively dramatic, but eventually you end up at a point where the things you are grateful for are breathing, electricity, clean socks, and the chance to see the Solstice Moon from your back yard.
8:30am Moon...
That Long Road...
As I stood there, looking at the moon, I came to the conclusion that simply Being Human is a very long and hard road. We tell ourselves — and that's supported by the media — that there's all this "great stuff" we should try to do, but the truth is that most days are just a long hard grind.
Sure, there are some great moments along the way...
And, of course, I have nothing to complain about... I have a roof over my head, running water and electricity, and food to eat. Things could be a lot worse.
My ambitions for 2019 are modest: To keep our home (aka not lose it to tax foreclosure), to stay independent (aka self-employed) for absolutely as long as humanly possible, to somehow find the time to take care of my health, to keep writing and publishing and creating art... and hope (there's that word, again!) that it will be enough to survive.
I wish I could think of life in terms on something more than merely surviving, but it has been difficult, these past few years.
Water and Sky
Independent Insanity?
Friend of ours is in town for the holidays; we spent a little time together, the other day.
Tim (who's now in his late 50's, like me) used to work in the IT industry but lost his job to "managed attrition" a few years ago, when the company he worked for decided they could pay two young college graduates (added together) less than Tim was making — for doing the same work. He then went into financial services and rose quickly at Bank of America client services till he was "outsourced" out of a job.
So then he went into sales and ended up getting severely burned out, even though he excelled at what he was doing... he'd just quit, the last time I saw him.
Turns out he now lives in a small travel trailer parked permanently at the edge of an acquaintance's horse pasture, surviving mostly on a small disability payment and being an "occasional helper" at a small scientific glassblowing studio.
There's that word again... "surviving."
I asked him what "happened."
Finding balance...
A Life Not For Human Beings...
And we talked about how we seem to have created a society/world that's not human-friendly. At least... it's not friendly to those who want to simply stay true to themselves, and not "play the game" and be aggressive and ruthless in their striving to get ahead.
Tim told me about his time working for a Fortune 500 IT company, and how "making the numbers to keep investors happy" was WAY more important than people, making a good product, ethical practices, or anything else. I remember that gig, too... the last 2-3 weeks before reporting time were all about cutting corners and rushing; shipping even incomplete product, just to make the numbers.
He told me about BofA redoing the bonus structure in his department, every time someone "made too much." Something almost identical happened at his sales job, where the commissions were "magically" reduced after a quarter where he had qualified for the highest tier. "Cost containment" mattered more than inspiring productivity.
"They say the ECONOMY is doing well, but that's not true," he said "What's doing well is 'CAPITALISM' and the so-called INVESTOR CLASS."
Something about that rings true, as I watch myself — and most other independent operators I know — hang on for dear life. None of us are doing well. Nor are any of our friends who work "regular" jobs.
But we're still going to do our best in 2019!
Thanks for reading!
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Created at 181223 23:46 PST