Sorry For Your Loss.....

.....but I swear he was just right there.... I don't know how I "lost" him....
Sorry for your loss....
Other than "Happy Birthday", the above four words may be the most posted on facebook specifically, and social media channels in general.
While I understand the natural, compassionate reaction to go straight to these words when being made aware of a fellow human being's world being altered by the exit of the physical presence of a loved one, human or animal, I have to be honest and say that I don't really enjoy the use.
Having recently experienced the "loss" of the man who was my father, step-father by law, real father by love and experience, many of my dear friends reached out to express their sorrow, and support, by using just these four words. I do not, in any manner, mean to denigrate their love and concern. I KNOW it was all heartfelt and real. I KNOW these friends mean that they truly feel connected with me at this point, share my pain, and relate it to experience such as this in their world. And I know that they realize how much I treasure each relationship.
I see things in a different perspective. I see that it was a gift to have these spirits in my world in the first place. And I got to build and share memories with them that no one else will ever have. Each relationship, whether it is a parent, sibling, mate, friend, pet or mailman is it's own unique entity and enters our world for reasons seen, or unseen. And each of them is impermanent. Nothing lasts forever, right. So we try to make every moment count, even in the quiet times, so that we know, at the "end" of the physical, impermanent relationship, that the spiritual, ethereal, universal one will go on. To me, although it is a temporarily emotional challenging "transition," I refuse to see it as a "loss." I choose to cherish the memories, and know that the imprint is still there. Maybe it is a thought process born of my interest in buddhism, or maybe it is just the way I have always felt, but I do not find the impermanence of all aspects of life as a negative. I do not choose to define my relationships as "holding on to" or "losing." I choose to say, "wow! we had THAT, and no one else did. how lucky was I?"
So, when my friends go through this experience of death of someone close, I understand that they will go through their grieving process, in their own way, but I feel that I need to add something to their world to make them breathe and reflect on the beauty of what they alone got to experience.
I choose to say, "Cherish the memories. Only YOU have them"
Again, this is me...my thoughts on expressing connection during times of "loss," and I do not expect everyone to feel the same way I do, but maybe a few of you do.
And for those who did reach out to me with these words, again, know I love you, I respect you, I appreciate the effort and connection, and I cherish all OUR memories, and the ones yet to come.
Namaste.