Great question, and I'm excited to delve into this. This is the kind of stuff I love to work with.

I decided to draw from two decks. First, I drew from The Mirror Cards which is a deck specifically about relationships, and I chose the next card from the Osho Zen Tarot deck to get further insight into how you are about this, and how you can change it.

We have reversed Aloneness. Because you've been hurt, and I will use the word abused here, you are fearful of intimacy and companionship with others. Companionship with others can be deeply nourishing and fulfilling. You may not know how to do that. You probably appear to not need anyone else and enjoy your own company, and others don't know that you would like rewarding relationships and friendships. Don't wait for others to make the first move. Take a step to get to know someone, and let them know your intent to let them in. Be vulnerable and tell them your struggle and let them help bring you into this stream of life. Relationships with other people are painful - it's true. But it's a pain to be embraced. You just have to jump into the water with your whole body and know that yes, humans are wounded and they'll hurt you. They will also nourish you and laugh with you and love you. It's truly living. No man is an island, and there's no pain greater than loneliness and isolation.

From the Osho Zen Tarot deck we get a little more on how to do this. Totality! What a perfect card! In your total self, you can handle anything. See the girl on the trapeze? She has to be fully in the zone, connected to her total self, trusting in the other. The other has to be connected to her total self to make this act work, too. When people are in their totality and in alignment, relationships are deeply and immensely satisfying. But even if the other is not and you are, they're still deeply satisfying. Even through the pain. And if you are really in your totality, everything is beautiful.

I do believe that we have not specifically addressed your issue with authority head on. But clearly it wounded you and left you afraid of relationships and afraid to let love in. We can't go back and figure out about the fear of authority. The validity of authority is questionable in the first place. But we do have fear that must be dealt with. And the way to deal with it is in its current manifestation in your life now. That's the doorway and entry to it. And when you're hurt by another, then you can ask your body where that pain is, and you can connect to the totality of it and feel it then and there.

Authority is a social construct. The only true authority is a person who is so good at something that you look to them to learn from them. There's a good reason to have fear about a person who exerts "authority." But do look at how it's affecting your life and your relationships.