(This is the 6th post from a book I spent the last 5ish years writing. I published "I am not God: Searching for a path toward Personal and Global Well-Being" last June. I will continue to post the book throughout the summer.)
THE SELF DILEMMA
Identifying the dangers presented by self-centeredness does not mean we should denigrate ourselves and tend toward low self-esteem. Low self-esteem can involve its own unhealthy fixation on the self. Obsessing over our mistakes, limitations, and imperfect qualities can prevent us from positively engaging our world’s problems. We are only human; so, we must learn to value ourselves even if we cannot attain a “god-like” level of perfection.
The harmful failure to value ourselves can be intentionally fostered. Marginalized people have often been encouraged to be passive, especially in the face of oppression. Oppressors have used religion and education as tools of their self-interest, manipulating their subjects to not value their lives and abilities enough to stand up for their rights. In the name of “love,” women have been encouraged to accept second-class status and have even been counseled to stay in abusive relationships.
We need to be empowered to value ourselves in order to reach our potential. While love is not oriented toward oneself, it is helpful to remember that Jesus implied loving others begins with loving and valuing ourselves.
Recognizing the tension that results from attempting to value oneself and consider other people poses a challenge. It is a reminder that each of us has unique needs and struggles, all of which cannot be thoroughly examined in one reflection. The dilemma of whether to empower those who lack an essential sense of self-worth or challenge those whose self-centeredness leaves them unaware of how they hurt their sisters and brothers brings to mind the description of Jesus as someone “who afflicted the comfortable and comforted the afflicted.” I realize that some people need to be comforted and empowered with the reminder that they are fine the way that they are. Their personal insecurity can keep them trapped in a survival mode that doesn’t allow them to see and respond to their world. Other people must be challenged not to allow their personal comfort and ambition to anesthetize them; otherwise, they will remain apathetic toward the suffering in the world community and unaware of how they might be contributing to that hurting. I suspect that we all need to hear both messages sometimes. The Zen monk Shunru Suzuki conveyed both messages simultaneously when he observed, “All of you are perfect just as you are, and you could use a little improvement.”
In what follows I will primarily consider how the tendency to uncritically embrace self-centeredness is a great danger for our society. Nonetheless, because all of us have our share of afflictions and need encouragement, I hope to engage this problem in light of the wise admonition: “Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”