Working with plant medicine is a hard journey where apprentices are tested on a daily basis. We must learn how to center our mind, protect ourselves, clean our fears and anger, our guilt, our faults, and most importantly, we must learn how to keep the ego in check.
I really don't like the word shaman as it seems everyone now days is claiming to be one. And anyone claiming they are a shaman, I would most certainly be weary of them. I used to throw around that word like crazy when I was younger and a little more naive. "I'm training to be a shaman!" I'd say.
But since I actually started working with this medicine, I've realized that shamans don't give themselves the title, "shaman" (meaning medicine man, someone who works with energy). On the contrary; the people they help to heal give them the title "shaman."
I am only an apprentice to the medicine, however I passionately strive to walk the same path of the shamans who have helped me on my journey...which is hard...harder than I expected it to be. Especially in the last 6 months, where I have had many thoughts about giving up. The only thing keeping me on this path is a strong relationship with the medicine, and my heart's yearning for this particular, complex and sometimes confusing and terrifying-as-all-hell path.
Through everything I've seen, everything I've experienced and fought through (mentally, physically and emotionally), this path brings my soul to a new kind of maturity where life becomes more precious and more beautiful each passing day. I'm tested quite frequently with ridiculously brutal tests, but ultimately these tests have given me beautiful lessons. The most recent test I was put through taught me to be tender to everyone, and to not judge others. The universe has a little trick under its sleeve when it comes to my judgment of others; I end up getting put into their shoes in similar situations; not as punishment, but as an opportunity for me to learn how to have more compassion and empathy towards someone who might have an energy that doesn't resonate with mine.
The biggest lesson I've gotten thus far on my journey is to keep my emotions in check, especially when it comes to my thoughts about others.
Yes, there are unfortunately people in my life that are toxic, frustrate me, and sometimes I become really triggered or angered by their actions. But on this medicine path; one wrong move could lead me the wrong way; the all-frightening-as-hell way. So my challenge in which I've recently started to put deeply into action - is to check my thoughts about others, reel them in if they aren't positive, and ask myself what is triggering me...ultimately I've come to realize that this practice takes all my attention off the person who originally sparked this emotion inside of me, and therefore my energy does not affect them.
I think we are more sensitive than we give ourselves credit for, so it's always good to be aware of our thoughts towards others. Jealousy and envy are considered black magic in the tribe I train under, because we ultimately are putting out malice intent. We might not be aware this affects others, but that's why I love the medicine of Ayahuasca; because the plant has a beautiful way of showing us the energy behind the action or thought.
No matter which spiritual road we take to understand ourselves and the world around us better, we will always face difficulties. Facing ourselves in the eye and acknowledging our past actions can be an incredibly hard task, but ultimately that is what helps us sculpt better versions of ourselves that spread the energy of love, joy and peace - which the world desperately needs right now.