Day 13 - I will be honest about my feelings
Yesterday we discussed the first cause of emotional blockage which is suppression. The second one which is the subject for today is denial.
Denial is perhaps the most complicated cause of emotional blockage and very difficult to clear. Whereas suppression allows both the mind and the emotional self to acknowledge the hurt to be present, with denial the mind creates the illusion that the disturbance does not even exist.
Why does it do this?
The reason is simple. Many seekers see themselves as further along the path than they are, and have concluded that they have risen above being effected by negative emotions. They think that they do not feel any grievance or are subject to negative feelings because they have mastered them.
Therefore, the denier goes a step beyond the suppresser. He not only prevents the emotional self from expressing itself, but denies the existence of the grievance felt by the feeling nature when it is definitely real.
The process goes something like this: An offense takes place and the emotional self becomes quite upset and carries a grievance. It wants to express itself, but the pious mind says, “No. we are beyond that. Now settle down.”
The emotional self still feels hurt and pesters the mind for permission to communicate.
The mind then sees that the emotional self is not cooperating and tells itself that this emotional reaction is silly and not a part of him. He will not only deny the emotions the power to express, but decides to detach himself from any emotions to the point that it would seem that the undesirable ones do not even exist.
The problem is that the grievance has not been solved and it does exist. The emotional body was upset enough when suppressed, but now that the mind has denied what is actually being felt, it boils over in a silent rage. It may not be allowed to speak, but it can do other things.
The emotional self then plots its revenge and plans to get the attention of the mind so it will be heard. It then attacks the physical body and causes debilitation, disease and pain. When the mind through the body feels pain and discomfort, the emotional self is saying, “I felt great pain and you pretended it does not exist. Let’s see you pretend that this physical pain does not exist then.”
Sometimes the message gets through and the person becomes in better touch with his feelings; at other times he will live the rest of his life in pain, bewildered by the cause.
The seeker definitely needs to discover any inward denial and expose it if he wants to bask in the spiritual light of the soul as well as maintain health. The problem is that many have denied grievances for so long that they have convinced themselves that they do not exist.
If you are healthy and suffering no physical pain then this is a sign that you are not experiencing long-term denial. One who is currently healthy may be subject to a short-term denial for the physical problems take a while to manifest.
The assignment today is to communicate with your emotional self. Ask it, “Have I denied you any expression of feelings that need to come out?” After asking this, tune into your emotional self and attempt to feel what it feels. See yourself as one with your whole self, including your emotions. After a period of contemplation end with:
“I am not ashamed of my feelings and honestly face them so pain can be replaced with joy.”
If you suspect that you have experienced denial then you may want to return to this exercise periodically.
Copyright by J J Dewey
Hunting God: A HowTo, Day 12 - I will let my feelings express themselves
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