Hello Higher Self man ! ... What's up ?
There's some things I need to figure out. Like what ? Like my future and what should I do. I'm getting this feeling that my current way of life is over. This work, job, earn money, entrapment feels like it cannot go on anymore. It's like I've reached a point where I can no longer put one foot in front of the other in the direction I've been going. Or it's like I can't keep marching on the treadmill anymore, I have to get off. It just feels ... so over.
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A little post writing interjection here. (Inserted after the writing) I usually just write down what pops in my head with very little filtering. Some of what I say may seem harsh but it's just an expression of feelings. This is like a writing exercise. I usually feel much better after I get things off of my chest. So it's all temporary, no need for alarm. My higher self comes in later to offer perspective. Lets continue...
So fine, let's say hypothetically the current path ends, or I just can't put up with it anymore. Fine, ok, now what ? What do I do ? Well this is where the dilemma arrives. It's almost as if I can't do any of it. Like I can't do any kind of money slavery ! Any objective to earn money. The reality of the day though is that, that is the world we live in. Without money you loose everything and you die of starvation, you become a bum on the street. Is this what I must accept ? Must I accept loosing everything and finding myself on the street as a bum waiting for death to arrive ?
If I don't take matters into my own hands to provide for myself will I loose all support ? I can bet my top dollar that no one will accept my no longer earning money. I will be treated like dirt, blamed, yelled at, beaten emotionally and verbally, I will be shun down and hated.
I don't think anyone will take care of me. I'm supposed to be able bodied and I'm supposed to be the provider, and so no one will accept my no longer supporting anyone financially. I will become cast out. So in that sense it's a trap. I seem to have no choice, zero choice options. I either earn money and provide, or I might as well die. If I die at least the insurance will cover expenses and my dependants could possibly survive. What a trap ! It's either work, or die ! If I can't work then I might as well die seems to be my plight.
Does that sound a little like slavery ? Huh, maybe just a little you think ? If you can no longer work then what justifications do I have for being alive ? I serve no purpose to my masters. Who are the masters ? Who controls the money ? Why must I bow down to the almighty dollar ? I have to bow down to the almighty dollar and ask for leaniancy because everyone else is doing it and alone I am powerless. Alone I am powerless. I am powerless to make a change.
Even when thinking outside of the box, money is still the key factor to be taken into consideration. It really seems like money has to come down, it must end now ! It feels like we've reached the turning point where the status quo can no longer be tolerated. It must end and it must end now or we all die.
I feel ready to die, although I don't think I really want to, but ready for the consequence of death if that is the only solution to no longer being a slave. I cannot live for anyone else anymore. I cannot continue to be a slave for the sake of my wife or my children. It's so sad to think I can no longer take care of my children, but it's not like it's a choice.
This is the thing, it's not a choice anymore. It's becoming an inevitability now. I just simply cannot go on anymore, all this crap must end, or I will end. I feel like saying I give up, but that's not really it. It's more like I quit and if the slave drivers want to kill me then so be it, it's like it's out of my hands. I just want curl up into a ball and die.
I feel like a tool. No one needs me specifically. I'm just a bread earner and two hands that can get tasks done. I'm a robot that does things and makes things happen. Who considers my feelings ? Who would be willing to take care of me ? No one. I mean sure for a short while, but not for any kind of duration.
I guess the feeling here is that I have no support. It's a feeling that no one has my back and no one is supporting me. It's quite the opposite. Everyone is asking of support from me, everyone wants to be reliant on me because they are trapped too. It's like me taking care of my son. He's supposed to be an able bodied human being, yet he does nothing to sustain himself. He seems completely incapable of taking care of himself. It makes me angry feeling that I have no choice but to take care of him otherwise he's on the street. Everyone especially my partner has been saying just throw him out, let him figure it out, just cut him off cold turkey. So harsh, so harsh. I'd like to see her do that to her kids. So when it's the supposed provider that becomes a dependant, well then all hell breaks loose. He is treated like the worst scum of the earth, lower then low, the lowest scum that deserves to die.
Anyhow, that's just the chains that bind me. A sense of obligation, a moral compass that says I can't and don't want to not care for my family. But at the same time I can't continue on this path. So this is my split. This is my dilemma. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. The world is chained down. Completely fastened by the money slave machine. Everyone has bought into it, everyone is afraid of leaving it. It's a trap with no escape, no where to run, no where to hide. The prison encapsulates the entire earth. There is not one piece of land that is not owned. No one on this planet has the permission to live and exist if they do not partake in the helping the machine move forward. If you do not partake then you are not even allowed the breath the air that surrounds you, permission for existence revoked !
So Mr. Higher self, is there anything you can say about this ? ... No. ... What ! no ? Your question is not specific, you're just complaining and having a pity party. Oh well thanks, just thanks. Silence...
Ok then, how's this for a question : What should I do to earn money ? ... Why ? ... What do you mean why ? You can't just answer the question ? No it's not that simple, first you must understand why, that's why I asked. ... Hmmmm. Because I need money to survive. Do you ? Um yah, haven't you seen the world I live in ! The problem is not the money, the problem is the programming. The problem is the deductive logic, the problem is how you are feeling about it.
Ok, so what would be the thing to focus on ? ... Your brain. ... Huh ? This feeling of being trapped and having no options is a problem indeed. As long as you feel and believe that, then you are stuck. Oh well thanks for that, it still doesn't help me to figure out what to do. ... What you need to figure out is to stop trying to figure it out with that attitude. Defeatism ? Yes. But how, it's so strong, the whole world is under the influence of the slavery system. It's inertia is so strong, how could I ever except to become free from it ? ... That's why your here. ... Ok, so do you think I need to find a physical logical solution to life circumstances, or do you think the solution is more of a spiritual growth thing ? Definitely more of the second thing, but you haven't nailed it, it's only loosely accurate. So why don't you nail it for me ? ... No. ... Geez thanks. ... Your welcome. ... Why welcome ? Because I said that to help you.
What should I do ? ... No. ... What do you mean no ? Wrong question, try again. What should I be ? Yes. What do you mean yes ? That's a better question. Can you answer what I should be ? Yes, be yourself. Well that's vague, any clarity on that ? You're too caught up on doing. You are not the doing, the doing happens. It's like focusing on the image in the mirror, it's a reflection, it's actually like looking straight at yourself. The world is a mirror, a mirror of your inner state of being. If you feel trapped then the world will show you that you are trapped.
Hmmmm, I get it, I know this, but when it comes down to it, I still need to make choices in the real world don't I ? No not really. Huh ? ... What your talking about is conditional choices, like a multiple choice questionnaire. You only see for example four possible answers to one question. This is how you've been brain washed. To believe there are a limited number of answers or solutions and someone else provides those answers for you. Should you vote republican or democrat ? Is that what you call a choice ? Um, no of course not. You are believing that the choices are currently in your field of vision. You have blinders on, you don't see the freedom you already have. The problem is just in your brain.
So help me, help me to free myself from the limitations of my brainwashed brain. Ok I will. Cool thanks. Go lay down and meditate or rest and think of nothing, I'll do something for you.
So for clarity I will say my request is : "Please help free me from the energies/feelings/patterns of slavery and entrapment". That's pretty good, I'm ready when you are.
