I tried.

I tried.

For years I tried. I read all the books, I did the meditations, I tried rewiring my brain, I took the psychs, I did the yoga, I hummed the mantras, I did the workshops, I held gratefulness inside myself.

For years I tried to banish the darkness from me. I tried to become like the people in the spiritual community. I tried to learn the jargon. I tried to allow the space for healing in myself that I allowed for others. I did all the things, why wasn't I healing? Why wasn't I becoming the beacon of light that the spiritual community deemed was not only necessary but vital. Why was I cast out and cast aside because I wasn't 'healing' quick enough.

It took me years to learn that my 'darkness' wasn't a sickness and that it most certainly wasn't a death sentence. See. The spiritual community needs it more than they are aware, and with pseudo spirituality running rampant, with these 'teachers' telling people like me that I need to deny my darkness, ignore it until it goes away, fake it until you make it, it is apparent how dogmatic and pseudo this community has become, how two dimensional it has become. Darkness heals just as much as light. It is needed just as much as light, and banishing it will not make you spiritual. Remembering your humanity and that in this dimension, on this plane, bad things REALLY happen, and checking out of them or humming mantra over the sounds of those dying in agony or screaming for help d oesnt make you a better person. We MUST stop with the pseudo bullshit and learn to love our darkness, hear what it is telling us, process it, and move forward in complete duality.

I tried for years to be accepted by people who can't even accept all the parts of themselves good and bad.

Today, I can say that I accept myself. Every fault, every crack, every scar, and for that, I am a damn powerful being.