In this post, I will posit a few guesses as to what may be actually going on in a lofty, macroscopic, philosophical sense. I'll also be explaining a bit about the path I'm on and what it's like to write poetry. I will then write a poem that I attempt to imbue with some mystical properties. Fun stuff.
Words from the Void
Recently, I've been having issues staying rooted in the physical world. Everything seems to be a message from another realm or some sort of a "God Wink". At this point, I kind of hear voices too. Not audibly or anything, they are in my voice usually. Writing poetry doesn't exactly help this as it involves reaching into the aether and pulling out abstract concepts and sometimes seemingly unrelated metaphors.
To me, this is almost a form of divination, as is all art. In the other place, things kind of meld together. The similarities between every icon or symbol, no matter how sparse, seem to matter and you can always get from point x to point y, no matter how long or winding the path.
Everything is possible and exists, creating an infinite and very complex network of data flow and associations wich brings me to my first working assumption for our reality:
Paradoxes: two statements can be simultaneously true and contradictory in our reality, since every possible combination of 'things', concepts, and events exists
Speaking of paradoxes (and in a moment, mediamancy), a bit after writing the first draft of this post, I came across this video on paradoxes whilst browsing reddit.
A Course in Miracles
Whilst doing some research, I had come across the book A Course in Miracles (ACIM); somewhat of a metaphysicians handbook. It describes the correct path to find unity with the God mind and perform miracles.
A few days later, I was heading back home from a store and talking to God. I asked him if there was anything I should learn, and if so, please lead me to it. I noticed a metaphysical book store that I had never consciously noticed before and felt lead to go in. I ignored this feeling (if I followed every feeling I get, things would get pretty weird pretty quick). As I drove away the urge got stronger so I pulled off onto a side-road and walked towards it.
Once in, I browsed around a bit and of course, the bookstore had exactly one copy of ACIM. There was no spotlight or bright ambient aura around it, but it felt right. I bought it instantly and began devouring it.
I've since slowed down in reading it, but one of the main points from it that has stuck with me is that a lot of what we see and experience is an illusion, created by us (I already believed this, so maybe I was just accepting confirmation blindly). God wants us to be a part of him in the same way my fingers are a part of me. My fingers are not me, but without them I would not be "whole". The same assertion can be applied to my brain also. I am not my brain; I am a microcosm of organs that work together to make 'me'.
We are God: not that "I am God and you aren't", but you and I TOGETHER are God. We're like his fingers or maybe even his hair follicles or thoughts. We are nothing without him and he is not whole without us
If you want to a quick intro to ACIM, check our their official intro
Life and Meaning
I recently became a vegetarian because I no longer want to have to consume the life force of other living organisms in order to survive. That being said, scientifically speaking, plants are alive. My definition of eating things that are alive comes down to my definition of what it means to be "alive". Generally, if it has a face and can move I consider it something I don't want to die so that I may live. This is a painfully anthropomorphic view of life and the ability to experience, and might even make me an unwitting hypocrite. Or, maybe since everything is a part of God, it doesn't matter. To pour water into the ocean is to do something meaningless.
As goods increase,
so do those who consume them.
And what benefit are they to the owners
except to feast their eyes on them? Ecclesiastes 5:11 (NIV) Source
Ecclesiastes is one of my favorite books of the bible, naturally. I consider myself a nihilist, but I like to disambiguate it as post-nihilism. Nothing material matters; once enough time passes everything will meet destruction, my mortal form included.
Since my body is physical, it is therefore an illusion and is not me. On the whole, my body does not matter - it keeps me anchored in a physical realm of illusions. Should I classify my body as a prison or as a game avatar, allowing me to experience a digital world? Because I believe our souls are immortal, the only thing that matters is that which we can not see, but that we see the effect of.
Meaning: no meaning exists other than life (and God is the source of all life)
Christian Sorcery and Simulations
God has been guiding me down a path of mysticism and magic. There, I said it.
To me, "magic" is simply a neutral tool; a means for controlling reality. To that degree, I think it is also a means for manipulating our physical bodies. It just so happens, I believe we live in a simulation. Instead of binary, it's probably coded in a much more advanced and possibly "ethereal" way. I believe we have some of the tools to program reality at our disposal, but we are trapped in a body that has no ability to see the code itself.
Note: I don't know how to do magic. Yet.
Some aspects of this programming involve purely psychological concepts. My overall goal is a degree of ego death and unity with the true hive-mind of the universe. I believe magic has something to do with this; I'm assuming it's a means to the goal.
If there are dimensions above me, it's quite possible there are lines connecting structures in my current dimension that I simply cannot (and will not) ever see.
That's where (mediamancy)[http://21stcenturyua.wikia.com/wiki/Mediamancy] comes in.
You may find that sometimes you'll find a lot of recurring concepts and motifs in the art, shows, and music you consume. I think the similarities are kind of like the ripple caused by the wind on the water. You never really see the wind, but you can see it's effect in a visible way. You can even get a pretty accurate idea of how it is moving and form a rough picture of where it is changing direction. When I need an answer to something, I keep a working log of the mediamancy "signs" I receive, but generally I have only done this for personally important issues, so nothing I can share. Sorry.
Note: when trying to find a definition of Mediamancy, I found a post on reddit right up the alley of what I am try to elaborate on currently
Enochian
More recently, the Lord has led me to begin studying Enochian. Enochian is a language taught to John Dee and Edward Kelly and is purportedly the language of angels. It would also, theoretically, be the language used by God, and the bible claims God created through speech. I'm not really claiming any of that - there's no use to doing that as none of it could be proven anyways. It was also apparently taught to these guys by some angels, so who knows if they really talked to angels or were just tripping balls (or both).
The bible explicitly states, however, we have command over angelic hosts and has many accounts of human to angel interactions. Sorcery, as according to dictionary.com is defined as:
the art, practices, or spells of a person who is supposed to exercise supernatural powers through the aid of evil spirits; black magic; witchery. Source
There is a lot of similarity in the tools the "light" and "dark" side can use. A construction worker and a murderer could both utilize a hammer. To that end, I don't think "neutral sorcery" should be thrown out the window - I think the important distinction is just the source of power.
More importantly, I think angels and demons can both do magic. Whatever "neutral" spirits exist probably can too, though maybe to more varying degrees. Maybe it is like simple arithmetic to all organisms that don't inhabit a corporeal form
Most "conventional" Christians are probably pretty sweaty at this point, if they haven't dipped already. There is some controvery, as there always is, as to whether Enochian is of God or the devil. Porque no los dos? The devil is our enemy and is the father of lies. I believe there would be a certain bit of truth to it if it's from the devil, and genuine absolute truth if it is from God, so either way it is worth looking into (with caution).
If I knew how to throw fireballs and had a mortal enemy that didn't know how to, I would do whatever I could to prevent them from learning how; if it required "demonizing" my team and the tools they use, so be it.
Magic is neither intrinsically evil or good; there is no spoon.
Eliphas Levi's take on the Magus
Eliphas Levi sums up pretty perfectly the type of creature I am aiming to become:
[The Magus] They are without fears and without desires, dominated by no falsehood, sharing no error, loving without illusion, suffering without impatience, reposing in the quietude of eternal thought... a Magus cannot be ignorant, for magic implies superiority, mastership, majority, and majority signifies emancipation by knowledge. The Magus welcomes pleasure, accepts wealth, deserves honour, but is never the slave of one of them; he knows how to be poor, to abstain, and to suffer; he endures oblivion willingly because he is lord of his own happiness, and expects or fears nothing from the caprice of fortune. He can love without being beloved; he can create imperishable treasures, and exalt himself above the level of honours or the prizes of the lottery. He possesses that which he seeks, namely, profound peace. He regrets nothing which must end, but remembers with satisfaction that he has met with good in all. His hope is a certitude, for he knows that good is eternal and evil transitory. He enjoys solitude, but does not fly the society of man; he is a child with children, joyous with the young, staid with the old, patient with the foolish, happy with the wise. He smiles with all who smile, and mourns with all who weep; applauding strength, he is yet indulgent to weakness; offending no one, he has himself no need to pardon, for he never thinks himself offended; he pities those who misconceive him, and seeks an opportunity to serve them; by the force of kindness only does he avenge himself on the ungrateful... Source
Regarding Mediamancy
Shortly after finding that video, I also came across a post about someone asking about mediamancy related observations (not the one linked above). Obviously, I'm going to be subscribed to subreddits where people may have similar beliefs and interests as me (and likely reach similar conclusions). I also understand the concept of confirmation bias - I am skeptical of everything I see and believe and play devil's advocate a lot, but I seem to be able to reproducibly summon this pattern in other people's lives. I also believe "crazy" is contagious, and I'm mostly just convinced I'm delusional at this point, but I want to see where this goes.
So now, a poem. If you want to "connect" to my soul, read it with intent. I am intentionally allowing it to be a portal of sorts to where I reside in the spirit world.
Everything suddenly tastes like sand;
is my head buried or am I
a captive, held flat by a weighted net
arms underneath the burden of feathers
sopping and grey?
Are these tentacles mine,
or do they belong to the beak above my head?
Am I truly this spiralling galaxy
with dull white lines connecting every dot?
It's like a circuit
broke and all I see is black and white.
There's a switch I can toggle somewhere,
it calls out my name, but I call out my own
name when I fall into the abyss.
I need billowing clouds to envelope
my countenance and bring me onwards
to the place where at least
one thing matters.
If you got any specific imagery or thoughts that seemed unrelated to the poem itself, please feel free to share them in the comments. Consider this an informal experiment.
Thanks for reading.
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