Sublime wisdom Yahia. You have written the chaos in my mind about this important subject. Pain comes from distancing from complainers when there are family ties. My father gave me a wonderful metaphor: Tune out when you hear the complaining tone. You can be like a hippo resting on the riverbed, letting the stream rush past you swiftly. Pay no attention. But listen for that other sweeter tone always. The tone that wants atonement. For that you must be instantly present.