The Most Disturbing Dream
Well, today I had a different experience than usual... I've never had such a dream before, as far as I can remember.
And, the emotion transfered outside to the real world when I woke up. I killed somebody... It was so real. Almost seemed to be too real for a dream.
When I woke up, I questioned reality so much. I was so thankful that it was only a dream, but I still felt disturbed.
I didn't even perform any techniques, because I couldn't shake the memory of this dream from my mind. I kept thinking about it and I couldn't stop.
This is the first time I got so defeated by my own mind. I mean, whenever negative thoughts enter my mind, I can easily stop them and allow positive thoughts to flow. But not this time...
I just kept on thinking about the murder. I kept thinking how bad I felt, and I just couldn't shake the emotion.
I felt so disturbed... I hadn't had a dream that made me feel like this. The feeling... I thought I actually killed somebody even when I was awake.
I kept telling myself that this was only a dream, but it didn't work. The images just took over.
Gladly, I managed to fall asleep quite fast, because I didn't move after I woke up. I didn't do any techniques, because I wanted to fall back asleep as fast as possible, so I wouldn't need to think about the dream.
My dream was different than the previous one, or so I thought... I was in a different dream, when all of a sudden, the scenario was back.
I got reminded that I killed someone. At this point, I should've realized I'm dreaming, because the dream scenario was repeating, but I guess I was too disturbed by the fact that I killed someone, so I didn't even think about dreams.
Knife To The Throat
I'll start from the beginning.
My dream memory begins when I was playing something on my computer. It was an online game, an MMO I think.
I was chatting with a girl in this game. I was having fun, LOL. The girl started sending me kisses, I think she liked me.
Then, I heard some guys were outside. I opened my door and there were like 5 guys and 1 was coming my way. He came close and told be to step aside.
I told him that I wouldn't let him in. He kept trying to get through but I pushed him away. He told me that I would regret it if I didn't let him in.
After a while he walked away. I immediately closed the door and locked it as fast as I could so he wouldn't try getting in again.
As I was closing the door, I noticed that he was coming back my way. But I locked it in time and he couldn't get in.
Then, I went to bed.
I woke up in the morning and the guy came back. He was with another guy. I heard that he was talking with my mom so I got outside as well.
Apparently, this guy was my cousin, but I never seen him before. These guys were aggressive, I could feel it. Especially the other guy.
Then, I suddenly felt that something bad is going to happen. This intuition was so strong, I acted upon it immediately.
I had a knife in my pocked, so I stabbed the other guy right in the throat. He died within seconds. I don't even remember where the fake cousin disappeared, but the rest of the dream went on as if he was never there.
My father took the dead body inside the house. He chopped this body into pieces and put these pieces into two bags.
He put a lot of clothes inside those bags, so that nobody would be able to see the body parts.
It was at this moment that I started regretting that I killed him. I felt very disturbed and I thought this will haunt me forever...
Haunted By The Bags
Right after I saw those bags, I knew I gotta bury them underground.
I went outside, right behind my house, to a small field. I was checking out if anyone is around. I couldn't see any people at that moment, but I was afraid if I started digging someone will see me.
So, I decided to wait until it's dark. When I came back home, my father and mom were laying on the ground. I didn't find this weird... Dream logic, I guess!
Then, I woke up. I already explained how I felt at this point. The dream felt so real...
Anyway, when I felt asleep, I started dreaming again.
I was in some sort of competition. I don't remember what we were gonna do, but I was with a friend and we went to shake hands with our competitors. They were all standing in a circle basically.
We started talking and everything was fine.
Until... My mom appeared out of nowhere and she said to come close to her, because she didn't want anyone else to see this.
When I came close, she gave me the bag. I instantly realized what's inside the bag. Body parts... The horrible feeling came back.
I felt disturbed and I couldn't shake it off.
I had to bury this bag, because I was in the city and I couldn't carry it around me. I think it smelled bad, so anyone could tell something is wrong.
There was a forest nearby, so I went there. It was more like a park really, but with more trees and areas where not a lot of people would walk around.
Then, something horrible happened again.
I can't really explain what it was, but It was almost like a gun shot, but inside my left ear. It was soooo loud. I couldn't hear shit and there was an incredibly loud buzzing sound in my ear.
I instantly got high from it. Almost like I was about to pass out but I was just barely holding on. I couldn't really walk but I still kept on going, because I didn't want to get caught with this bag.
I could barely see anything, because my view was distorted, like I was on drugs. I kept thinking that this happened because I killed that guy.
Late on, as I was searching for a place to bury the bag, my dream slowly changed and the scenario was different. I no longer had the bag and I didn't think about the murder.
I had a ton of dreaming after this, so when I finally woke up, I didn't feel disturbed like the first time I woke up.
But this was definitely a different experience than usual...
Some Dream Interpretations
So... I killed someone in my dream. What could that possibly mean? Here's what I've found:
ā There are strong possibilities that a killing or murder you commit in your dream may indicate an urge to kill something in yourself. It can be an addiction, an old memory, or even a habit. You may also be trying to get rid of an old way of thinking or ideal that had a significant influence on your life. (Source)
That's what I thought as well. Killing someone in my dream could just be my subconscious mind telling me that I want or am trying to get rid of something in my life.
Well, there's quite a few things that I want to "kill" and erase from my life.
I'm working towards being the greatest version of myself, so I find myself often trying to erase bad habits or people that affect me negatively.
Don't worry though... I don't erase those people the way I erased that guy in my dream! I just stop talking to them, LOL.
Anyway, as of lately, I been extremely observant of my thoughts and I'm trying to think as positively as possible.
I have been trying to be more positive for a long time now, and it's working quite well, but I'm taking it to another level.
I want to limit my negative thinking as much as humanly possible.
Thus, I guess killing that person who appeared to be aggressive means that I want to kill my negative emotions.
Still, I can't believe how strong the emotion was in waking life when I just woke up. It literally transfered from the dream world, because I felt exactly the same there.
This only reinforced my belief that our dreams are more than just dreams...
I'm ending this post here. At the end of each post I'll include my first post (down below) about this journey as it explains why and how I'm doing this! (Full Post Here)
I Will Be Doing This Every Day!
The main reason I want to start lucid dreaming, is for self improvement.
I've been reading a lot about it and studies have shown that you can actually improve certain abilities by doing it in your dreams.
For example, if you wan't to learn a foreign language, you can practice it in your dreams. Since you're working with your subconscious mind while you're sleeping, you might find out that you know words that you were never aware of while conscious.
It's really all up to your creativity to what you wanna learn and improve upon in your dreams. Is it basketball that you want to become better at? You can do that!
Do you want to become a better fucker? Nobody is holding you back! Just make a nasty slut appear in front of you and do whatever you want with her!
Apparently while sleeping, the neural pathways engaged in the activity are strengthened, and not only imagined or visualized.
To achieve lucid dreaming, a lot of action has to be taken. Well... Some find it really easy to lucid dream, but most have to achieve it the hard way.
It's really important to think about lucid dreaming throughout the day. This way you're telling your subconscious mind that this is what you're focusing on and what you want, thus it gives you the access to control the dream world.
There are quite a few things I will be doing in order to achieve this goal!
So, first of all, I will be posting my whole lucid dreaming journey here on Steemit every day.
I will be writing down all of my dreams on a journal. A dream journal is basically essential if you want to achieve lucid dreaming.
I will do at least 30-50 reality checks every day.
Have a sleeping rhythm. That means I will be going to sleep at the same time every night. I'll also wake up at the same time every morning as well.
I will also experiment with some techniques to induce lucid dreams.
I won't look at any screens (computer, TV or even phone) 30-60 minutes before bed, because I've read that this helps a lot. For those 30-60 minutes I will be meditating.
Talk, read and think about lucid dreaming constantly.
Occasionally I will listen to lucid dreaming binaural beats and hypnosis.
I will use an app called Awoken. This app is designed to help you achieve lucid dreaming. It reminds you to do reality checks throughout the day and it has a dream journal, which is where I will be writing down all my dreams when I wake up.
I will experiment with the supplement called Dream Leaf, I already ordered it and I will use it when it arrives. I will take it only once or at most twice every week to see if it changes anything about my dreams and the ability to become lucid.
UPDATE: I do not recommend Dream Leaf, because it affected my dream recall negatively in the long run. But, I did have my first lucid dream because of it.
Source
Tracking All My Progress!
So, like I've mentioned before, I will be tracking all my progress and I'll be posting about it every day here on Steemit.
Also, after I achieve lucid dreaming, I won't stop posting about my experiences for some time still.
When I achieve my goal, I will be writing down a lot of experiences that I have inside the dream world, and I'll experiment if it's actually possible to improve real life skills while sleeping.
I set a personal goal to achieve lucid dreaming within 30 days starting today. I'm really excited and hopefully I'll be able to do that even faster than 30 days!
This is not the first time I try to achieve lucid dreaming, but I never took it seriously and I was too inconsistent, so I never even came close to becoming lucid.
But this time I'm gonna SMASH it and record the whole journey on this blockchain!
UPDATE: I achieved lucid dreaming for the first time on day 12
I will become lucid tonight!
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This week's posts:
Day 72 - I'm a Fighter And a Drug Addict
Day 71 - Almost Became Lucid...
Day 70 - Potato In The Ground
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