Suddenly I find that my life is just working itself out again. After months of being thrown around by the wind, and trying to stay above water, I feel that everything is how it should be.
We decided we didn't have enough money to bring my partner here in September. She will apply for a 2020 position and we will work slowly towards it. It is not what I wanted but perhaps it is what I need.
I'm in a place of creativity. I feel motivated to write for 2-3 hours a day after work and then an hour on promotion...then I still have energy left to come interact here or at discord. I've decided with certainty that a novel and a book will be completed in 2019 and I suppose I need some space to a that happen.
For the first time I think I've found a way to reach people with my fiction. Friends of friends is where it's at. I've found the first readers who I've never spoken to before. No new supporters yet but there is much more activity around my social media accounts so it shouldn't be long. It's really nice to see people you don't know share your work.
I feel cut off from my tribe but I also know this is only temporary. I've got to face myself and be independent enough to pull things together. I'm only as poor and unhealthy as abundance would distract me from my work.
It almost feels as if my life has written a schedule for me because I had a such hard time keeping one for myself.
It's really exciting not to need people the way I used to. I always wanted to be able to go a week without much human interaction or hedonistic distraction. It's nice to be able to do this without that nagging depression where I feel that "this is just how it is now." The solitude is only temporary, a part of growing into a better me. That's all struggle is once we stop focusing on the discomfort.
I didn't even need to write this. It wasn't lonliness or distraction which led me to these words as they have before, its just a desire to check in before I get back to work.
Hope you are well.