For most of my drug-using years, the only crystal I ever snorted was meth. Meth gives you lots of energy. It is basically a white energy crystal. Maybe I should even make a token for it and call it WEC (White Energy Crystal). Oh wait, I already did. Anyways, this lead me to ask, "What would happen if I decided to snort Dark Energy Crystal (DEC)? Would it be the opposite of meth since one is dark and one is white? Would it be like meth on meth, since it's darker than meth?" So many unanswered questions. So many unquestioned answers. Thus, I decided to try it out for you guys and write a trip report to describe it.
First, I bought some DEC on Beeswap. Unfortunately, this was virtual DEC so I couldn't snort it. That meant that I had to exchange the virtual DEC to physical Dark Energy Crystals. So I went to the local DEC merchant, Fluffles. It turns out Fluffles was on vacation so he put up a vending machine to dispense all his illicit crystals. All I had to do was send virtual DEC to the correct address, and the machine would spit out this crystalline-ish black powder thing. It was a really cool vending machine but I couldn't find it on Amazon.
What Dark Energy Crystals look like in real life
I mixed a bit in water and drank some of the DEC-bull and observed that it was just as advertised. It was slightly psychedelic but I usually don't care about that high. The high that caught my attention was the stimulant. Suddenly, I had the energy of 5 red bulls. On top of that, I felt really pretty – better than I had in years. Normally I regard getting high as a way to escape reality, but I was feeling pretty euphoric about the effects of the black powder. I couldn't help but smile.
What liquid DEC looks like
I took the rest of my crystal stash (excluding some physical DEC) with me to a local park to continue my experiment. I setup shop on one of these benches and started to snort some Dark Energy Crystals off the edge of my credit card.
As you might expect from snorting a black powder off the edge of a credit card, the DEC wasn't all going into my nasal canal in one piece. A bunch of it flew off to the side or got caught in my nose and throat. Surprisingly, this was probably the safest way for me consume DEC, but it was definitely frustrating. Despite my fears, a small amount of DEC slid into my nasal canal.
Once DEC was up my nostrils, it triggered a sneeze. I had a tough time trying to hit the right spot in my nostil to snort DEC again. It wasn't all meth-like energy like when I started. Instead, it kick-started biter drowsiness. Eventually, I hit the right spot and was able to snort DEC twice.
At this point, I was getting really tired and wanted to lie down and take a nap. I got comfortable on the couch and starting reading a book called "Mastering Ethereum" but I wasted about $20000 testing all the code in the book because I forgot the testnet existed. It was pretty great because the author has had meth addiction problems (seriously, Vitalik can't be naturally that skinny, right?) and it was cool to have someone I could relate to write about meth. It made me feel like I could be myself around other people. Naturally, this I also noticed that the author, like myself, is a conspiracy theorist. I was getting pretty baked from snorting DEC and some art theory got pretty deep into my brilliant neuron network. Btw, please donate to https://fitvitalik.io/ because he really needs it.
The next thing I know, I woke up naked in my bed with my laptop open on Beeswap. Things were fuzzy for a few minutes, but I eventually figured out where I was. Too bad because I already blew half of my life savings on some shitcoin called SEX (it has the biggest market cap, so it's gotta be legit, right?).
Anyway, I took the rest of the day off work to nap and sleep off the DEC. I felt pretty tired and out of it for the next two days. Overall, I would say the experiment was a success. The stimulant effect was stimulating but everything else about DEC was the opposite of meth.
Oh yeah, I chugged the rest of the entire bottle minutes after snorting it so I know it's strong stuff. In fact, I'm high as the moon right now. People keep sayin "DEC to the moon!". Well guess what bitch, I got here first. Jk, no hard feelings. I'm just warming up the place for when my buddy DEC gets here.
Anyway, hope this report was informative. I took some poetic liberties to heighten the dramatic tension of the whole experience. In all reality, the whole experience was very cool but it definitely gave me a taste of everything DEC and nothing more. So yea, snorting DEC doesn't really do anything as advertised. I mean, it is stimulating but not in the way getting raided by the FBI while tripping balls and having all your XMR seized is supposed to stimulate, etc. Maybe you could put some in an arc reactor to get internal power, but you would have to waste money on cobalt to do it, or you could just hook up a shitty little DC motor from a toothbrush if you would prefer to just use your mouth.
Please only snort dark energy crystals on the weekend. It is not physically addictive if you are smart about it.
Disclaimer: After all my meth years I have no doubt that snorting DEC is bad for me. But see for yourself. I am not responsible for any harm, accidents, and deaths that can be tied to me or anyone I have introduced to the concept so he or she can later reference this report.
All in all I paid $1000/gram for dark energy crystals and $20/gram for shipping. I mean, I sent it in an Uber since I didnt want my car to smell bad.
Keep following for more good content. I don't know or care if it's good or not, I just snort DEC and write whatever shit I can think of.
Coming up next: How I Learned to Stop Checking Prices and Buy Shitcoins