The goblin was small, even for his diminutive race. Under normal circumstances his presence would be ignored, perhaps even subject to ridicule. However, this particular goblin was adorned with the color and heraldry of the Immortal Gods, the most feared and powerful guild in the Splinterlands. To even look at the creature with anything than the utmost respect would be like begging for a spiked mace up one’s arse.
“Hear ye, hear ye!” shouted the goblin in a squeaky voice. He cleared his throat and smiled when he saw his mum and dad, brothers and sisters nodding encouragingly. “You tell ‘em, Tofly!” shouted cousin Wombo. The goblin herald beamed at the support.
His family cheered from amidst the growing crowd.
“As an emissary of the Immortal Gods, I am here to proclaim--!”
Tofly was suddenly crushed by a giant reptilian claw which had dropped down from above. The goblin’s relatives stood in shocked silence. The only remnants of Tofly’s existence was a bit of pinkish stuff that oozed out from beneath the foot of the dragon which gazed upon them with disdain. Astride the dragon was Splinter Master Raynie. Four other leaders of the Immortal Gods could be seen circling above on their dragons, among them Clove71 the Demon Queen.
Raynie gazed down at the crowd. Complete silence dominated the region. She nodded ever so slightly, and in response, her dragon raised its head. The expanse of its wings blocked out the sun, and its eyes flashed with an ancient magic of terrible power.
A psychic shock wave exploded from the dragon’s mind and into the consciousness of every sentient being on the continent. Those who were both weak willed and within close proximity simply fell over dead, their brains turned to mush.
"FROM THIS DAY FORWARD, EACH MEMBER OF THE IMMORTAL GODS WILL DONATE FIVE CARDS PER SEASON TO THE @IMMORTALGODS ACCOUNT. THESE CARDS MAY BE OF ANY SPLINTER, RARITY, OR SET."
"FOR THOSE OF YOU NOT VERSED IN THE COUNTING OF NUMBERS, THAT IS TEN CARDS PER MONTH."
"THESE DONATED CARDS WILL BE USED TO HELP GROW THE PLAYER BASE BY INCENTIVIZING OUTSIDE USERS TO TRY THE GAME OR TO HELP NEW PLAYERS WHO ARE JUST GETTING STARTED."
"FOR THE FEEBLE-MINDED AMONG YOU, THAT IS OVER 200 CARDS PER MONTH THAT WILL BE APPLIED TO SUPPORTING THE SUCCESS OF ALL SPLINTERLANDS PLAYERS. SOME OF YOU MAY ASK WHY WE WOULD DO THIS. WHAT DO THE IMMORTAL GODS HAVE TO GAIN FROM GIVING AWAY THEIR CARDS…?"
"THE ANSWER IS OBVIOUS: WE’RE #%^@$#! BADASS COOL. THAT’S WHY."
With that final statement, Raynie patted the dragon’s neck. The nearby villagers exhaled as one as if lifted from a trance. The silver-haired dragon rider cocked her head to one side. “I desire sushi. Who here can point me to the nearest sushi house.”
Tofly’s father answered, tears still wet upon his haggard face, The goblin family was still reeling from the loss of their loved one. “Wha...what’s sushi…?” he stammered.
Raynie stared intently at the crowd for a full eight seconds. “No sushi?”
Silence.
“Kill them all.”
The screams of the dying were lost amid the sound of dragonfire.
NOTE: Please wait while the Immortal Gods seek another village from which to make their next important announcement.