is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.
― Federico García Lorca
It's sad when you obsess about the one who got away more than a decade after the fact.
It's even worse when you not only dream about her but experience paranormal events that make you feel you're losing your mind.
Hell, I'm even seeking therapy from my best friend Raff who's a cinical psychologist.
Yeah, it's come this―pretty pathetic, I must admit.
Anyway, It's Friday night and I'm still wracked with indecision about whether to attend my old college's class reunion.
There's only one reason I'd even consider attending and that's the improbable chance of seeing Sharon Hargraves.
I. know I'm obsessing, but I can't escape the feeling that the universe is sending me a cosmic SOS to get my attention―that would explain all the weird paranormal experiences I've been having that point back to my failed relationship with her.
In truth, it wasn't so much that Sharon and I didn't click―we did and had a sympatico― it was more case of being out manouvered for her love by Mike Sheehan, my so-called best friend who betrayed me and lied about dating her. Of course, I backed off not wanting to pursue my best friend's girl and only discovered later that Mike lied.
I lost touch with Sharon but realized as the years went by that I should have followed up and tried to reignite our friendship, but I was awkward and insecure and allowed the opportunity to slip through my fingers.
Even now, I'm still the same socially awkward guy and am gambling the farm on a wild improbable chance that Sharon will even be at the reunion.
Talk about hanging great weights on slender wires...
Despite my misgivings I put on a suit and show up at the reunion just after eight.
I wasn't sure what to expect but I was no sooner in the door when I was pleasantly surprised to find many of my old college friends were in attendance and within minutes I relaxed and began to enjoy the evening.
Just when I was feeling mellow and comfortable, Jim Haines, an old friend interrupted out conversation with a sudden announcement: "Paul, there's someone here I want you to meet."
My heart skipped a beat as I anticipated being introduced to Sharon but my enthusiasm quickly died when He called over a pudgy balding man.
"Do you recognize this guy?" he yelped. It's Mike Sheehan, You guys were the college Dynamic Duo back in the day."
There are no words to describe the mixed feelings that coursed through me at that moment. All the half-buried feelings of anger and betrayal surfaced and conflicted with the reality of the pathetic figure standing before me.
Mike had been Joe College―a handsome, athletic young stud who always ended up with the girl, in my case, Sharon Hargraves.
"Hi Paul, " Mike smiled sheepishly, "I hope you're not too upset to see me."
"Upset? Not at all, " I lied, "How have you been, Mike?"
"Oh, you know, same old. I'm coaching the Varsity Blues and we're still losing," he quipped.
Mike looked uncomfortable and vulnerable and all my resentment melted away as I saw the toll the years had taken in diminishing his former greatness.
He pulled me aside and confided in hushed tones, "I still feel bad about the way our friendship ended. I was a complete jerk in college and I still regret the dirty trick I played on you."
"It's water under the bridge, Mike. We were all immature back then." And I actually believed it as I said the words and forgave him his youth as I forgave my own inability to deal with it at the time and over the ensuing years.
I actually felt guilty for the bitterness and resentment I carried all this time.
We chatted a bit longer and then I felt it time to leave. Mike and I exchanged business cards though I doubted I'd ever see him again. Nonetheless, I felt content and comforted that an old bruise had finally been healed.
As I walked out the door a soft voice called my name and I turned and stared into the face of Sharon Hargraves
I wasn't sure if she were real or an apparition until she spoke. "I saw you talking with Mike Sheehan and didn't want to interrupt."
"No, you should have come over. I'm sure Mike would have been glad to see you," I said.
"I truly doubt that," she laughed harshly. "Mike and I didn't end well."
"I'm sorry," I muttered, unsure of what to say.
"Let's put it this way, Paul―Mike betrayed me and although he later apologized, I just couldn't continue seeing him. I've heard through friends that he's mellowed over the years and I hope it's true but really, we have nothing more in common―if we ever did."
"I understand. Some relationships are simply for the time being and some you simply out grow."
She nodded. "Is that what happened to you and me?"
I couldn't lie to her. "No, what happened to you and me was also caused by Mike. He betrayed me too and lied about having a relationship with you. That's why I so abruptly backed off―after all, he was my best friend, os so I thought."
She shook her head sadly. So, I guess we're alike in this―one writ with me in sour misfortune's book?
I recognized the quote from Romeo and Juliet. "Yeah, I suppose we both were double-crossed and star-crossed."
"Star crossed? I don't think so. I think it's no coincidence that we've had this opportunity to meet again. And ironically, I've been having dreams about you, Paul. and they seem so real."
"I can confirm that―I've been having some weird experiences myself. Say, why don't we go somewhere for a coffee and I'll tall you all about it?"
"I'd like that, Paul," she smiled.
We talked for two hours that night and by the time we parted we both agreed to meet again.
It turns out she discovered Mike's treachery through a friend and like me, lived with regret about our lost friendship.
I suppose we're both alike in that regard preferring to quietly suffer rather than assert our rights, but it seems that Fate intervened in the end and righted the wrong.
I'm not sure where our relationship is headed from here, but judging by my feelings toward her, I see no evidence of a parting from her..