Greetings once again, mortals! It is I, the Spirit of the Forest!
I have spent the last twenty-four hours entirely immersed in the tomes and lore of your people, and I have learned much. Allow me first to share with you some important expositional information; then I shall elaborate on my readings and studies.
I have inhabited the skinny and rather wimpy body of your Loremaster, Chris Roberts, and his mind as well. When he and Carrie Allen made the foolish two-fold mistake of discovering and invoking my name, they unknowingly bridged the eternal divide between our two realms.
Now I can travel back and forth between the two realms as I desire, using Loremaster Roberts as a vessel for my interactions with your strange world. I could appear before this world in one of my true forms, but my recent research in your great library known as "YouTube" leads me to believe that upon revelation of my true form, I would be abducted, dissected and weaponized by any number of your so-called government agencies.
First, I sought out magic in your realm, for in my realm, magic is the reason for all things, the physical manifestation of pure imagination. In your realm, it seems that most magic is consigned to the name of science, then placed in a category. That category is then placed into another, smaller category, and so on and so forth, forever. This is why I have determined your people to be masters of organization.
Harry Potter
After several hours of your sciences, I was led to one of your most famous volumed scriptures. It chronicled the great epic of a lost mage and rediscovery of ancient prophecies and lost magical arts. It was both enjoyable to read and rather suspenseful at times. I learned much from these tomes about your people, your past, and your deepest, darkest secrets. My favorite character is Dumbledore.
The Climate
I was warned by countless numbers while browsing in what you sometimes call the Twitterverse that a great beast called The Climate is dying. Apparently, with its death, all life in your realm is threatened. But a great righteous crusade is being waged, led by a child warlord from the north to stop the death of the Climate. I am anxious to see if they are able to stop its death, for stopping death is something I have been struggling to figure out for millennia.
You people are fascinating to me...
You are afraid of everything, but you want everything in excess.
You know right from wrong, but you do more wrong than right.
You'd rather have a boring explanation than an exciting story.
Some of you don't eat meat, but you still like your food to resemble meat. Veggie Burgers? Fakon? What's up with that?
Until next time, mortals! Battle at SPLINTERLANDS!
