I rendered this as a spoken word at #smileagain2018 Depression seminar last Saturday. Enjoy!
Depression is a fog that clouds your every thoughts and emotions, and when it grows thicker you find it difficult to breathe and break free
See, I'm hurting
I'm struggling
Sometimes I'm suffocating
Maybe I feel so alone because I've built walls so high that you can't get in.
You've tried truly, but I chose to ignore vividly.
Maybe someday I'll open up to you
Depression is me telling you I'm fine when inside I'm dying
It's me faking a smile just to keep myself from crying
Its not as if I'm not trying
But each time I tried to explain to you, your words are denying.
You say: be cool, you don't have any reason to be depressed. Cheer up you say
Do you think I chose this?
See, I'm a fragile creature that can only take as much and when things get tough anything can be my crutch.
I wish it were that easy
Cos each day that goes by is another battle I cannot win
Each breath is so painful that I just wanna give up and cave in
It's being submerged by darkness when light surround others
Its being surrounded by everything but still feeling alone
It's pushing everybody that loves me as far as humanely possible cos I don't deserve them, desert them before they desert me, its quick sand sinking
Its having a hundred hours of sleep and still feel tired as hell
It's finally falling asleep and waking up feeling so pissed up for no apparent reason
It's having five showers at least a day and still not feeling clean.
I have discovered that sadness happens to all with no reason at all,
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It doesn't care who you are and it definitely will not care when you plea
Understanding you have all it takes to make a dark days bright is not enough
You need to reach within your core and consciously break the mask of continous sadness that has fixed itself to your face
You need to choose happiness even if your days are still clouded
You need to break barriers and open your heart to the light of happiness
You deserve to smile again
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