The last week was especially difficult for me. I have been trying to refine and streamline my goals and come up with a different plan to tackle my current situation. One of the hardest things to process for me has been the abuse of humanitarian aid and the goodwill of the people that want to help.
Recently, Kharkiv has been going through terrible attacks. Every day more and more rockets are being fired at my city. It has become the main frontline and very often you will see "Kharkiv" in international headlines.
AND WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
Suddenly there is a high interest in helping Kharkiv. But a few weeks back when I asked the same people who claim to be volunteers and aid collectors to help Kharkiv they came up with some ridiculous excuses. At the same time their quality of life was exponentially getting better with the regular "donations"...And now that Kharkiv is in the headlines the excuses don't seem to exist anymore. Even when Kharkiv is in a worse situation now and more unreachable, they can now magically help Kharkiv. Hmm..
A lot of progress is being made here. The municipality is now realizing the discrimination towards minorities and working towards taking actions against it. By taking actions I mean that they have at least asked about and noted it. Among Kharkivians here, I have noticed a new form of distress. But it is natural. Easter Ukraine is having a more difficult time - it is harder to get out of there, it is harder to get your things out of there, it is harder to rebuild your life if you have escaped from an Eastern Ukrainian city. Today the volunteer from the municipality had a seperate talk with people who have come from Eastern Ukraine and I know why they'd need some separate attention. And maybe the headlines are helping bring this to light.
Anyways, Binance charity has rejected my application. UNHCCR has not replied yet and my application is pending for 2 months now. Sometimes I think I should have learned to cry and beg because I see how much "help" I am missing out on simply because I am not bold enough to cry, make a sob story, and "humble beg" to every person that one comes across. I literally spent 600 Euros in Poland of my own money coz I was receiving no help. I literally arrived to the Netherlands with one medium luggage and a "homeless bag" that I completed using KBK's help in case I became homeless. Imagine going through so much bias that I had to prepare myself to be homeless.
Meanwhile people have come with their cars filled to the brim with belongings are still shipping their stuff here. They also receive monitary help from different organizations, free food from banks, clothes and more. But since I never learned how to constantly complain and beg, I am missing out on all those - doesnt matter if I got the shorter end of the stick.
I have always been the sort of person to put my head down and grind my face through ruble to get wheere I need to. And I am still doing that. Is it the wrong thing to do?
This is a s ort of cry for help. I am struggling to piece everything together in my head. I want you to put this all in perspective for me. Am I being irrational or am I seeing all this in a wrong way? Why do I not feel okay with all this?
My volunteering efforts are still top knotch. I am doing as much as I can with the time I have. It also helps me stay humble and keep away all the crazy thoughts. And trust me, there are manyyyyy crazy thoughts.
I am doing all this simply from the good of my heart. I have received no financial help from any organization, my salary which is extremely small hasn't come through, I do not have much to give myself. I still borrow the bike to ride 30 minutes every day to go and help out in the foundation, still take people to the empolyment agencies, still help people with their medical issues.
The abusers and scammers can profit from the situation for now. But I know if I keep my head down and focus on doing the right thing, I will have the last laugh. It will eventually bring peace to my heart.
Today we distributed freshly baked bread. There is no real advertising and we are relying on word of mouth and Telegram groups to reach out to people. There was a lot of clothes to sort and filter. There is literally no one helping the lady here in the foundation so I am more than happy to lend her a hand every other day.
We seperated dry foods and sorted them in a sperate area. It is possible that there can be some shortage of food in the near future so giving out dry food may be a good thing. Freshly baked bread was given out a piece per person. If anyone asked for more we didn't decline.
The clothes, we sorted them according to summer and winter clothes. Then we put the winter clothes in the back. We then sorted all the clothes by size. There are a lot of new clothes here and completely for free. Later a huge package of footballs came through. This is a very valuable package especially for the kids. I am not sure if we will give them away soon or inflate them first.
We do not ask nationalities, anything in return, or if they "deserve" the help. As long as you can show up, you can leave with whatever you need from the inventory.
THe day ended for me with "Taal Cafe" headed by the very beautiful Angelica. She is such a cool person and knows very well how to keep people interested and engaged in the Dutch language. This taal cafe is open for every one, from every country. So far including myself there are 2 Ukrainians. I wouldn't say my Dutch is getting better at a rate that I'd like. It has been a little over 2 months and I still cannot have a proper conversation in Dutch.
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