When Being Strong Is The Only Option You Have

People said I am very strong emotionally. That I could deal with whatever life throws at me in calm and courageous manner. I always cringed inwardly when I hear someone said something like that. This compliment is often accompanied by that glow of admiration in their eyes. Honestly, it's flattering but I am shuddering inside.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley

I love that quote by Bob Marley because that is what precisely happened in almost every situation that requires me to be strong. I have no other choice. Other than my sole faith in God, I have no backup in whatever form be it cash, physical help or whatever. Being strong is relative. I perceive it as something that NEEDED to be done because I have no option to be a coward. Whereas others might see it as a character that I am born with.

Not true. There are many, many situations in life that witnessed me running away with my tail between my legs, seeking solace where I don't have to deal with pain and suffering. I am a classic AVOIDER and avoidance is my form of dealing with unpleasant situations. When facing tough stuff in life, my dominant tendency is to avoid thinking about it by burying myself in work or whatever as long as I don't have to deal with it. Where is being strong in that?

Being strong is a learned character. Maybe after awhile, despite being an avoider, I developed the habit to be courageous and face my issues head-on without the room to waver or hide. And of course, God played a huge part in shaping that character because he constantly put me in situations that required me to act courageously.

The moment I realized I must be strong

One of such situations happened about 7 years ago when I was a very new mom. At that time, my daughter was about 5 months old and she developed severe diarrhea after consuming a supplement which was touted as good for babies. Being ignorant we didn't make a thorough research before feeding her that. I remember it happened right around the time when my husband was away to Bangkok, Thailand for a work project. I was alone with my baby and I remember not knowing what to do. She was passing motion every 10 minutes and I was panicking. She started to develop terrible nappy rash that caused her to scream in pain everytime I changed her diapers. Both of us were in a mess. I rushed her to a nearby clinic for treatment. Her condition gradually improved but not without me being so traumatized by fear.

I remember in my moments of despair I called up a dear friend to share my anguish. Being a new mom herself she couldn't come to help me physically but I truly appreciate her for always being there to comfort and gave me suggestions on what to do.

That incident woke me up to the reality of parenthood - parents aren't cowards. Parents must be strong because their young/underage kids rely on them for every single thing. If the parent is not courageous emotionally, how can she handle all kinds of setbacks in parenting?

From that day onwards I made a vow to myself to rely on God and stay strong for the sake of myself and my children.

There are many more such situations in my life but this one stood out above the rest because it forced me to literally 'grow up' and face whatever challenges ahead of me courageously.

The painting

This mixed media painting on paper shows a silhouette of a person sitting face-down with her back literally bursting. She is trying to be strong while navigating her life that is full of issues and challenges (depict by her bursting back). I purposely used warm background colors to portray her eventful life. Because when we think our life is peaceful, a mighty storm is actually waiting at the corner to test our endurance.

Here are the progress photos...