I hate Valentines Day. And yes, before you yell "Oh, but you’re single and there’s no-one to give you flowers anyway, so of course you hate it," and remind me that I’ll spend the day hoping against hope that a gift will magically appear on my doorstep from that cute guy I dated last year (which won’t happen, of course, because not only has he dropped out of contact, he doesn’t actually know my address), let me assure you of this:Yes, Valentine’s Day sucks when you’re single. But Valentine’s Day is also pretty stupid even when you’re paired up.I had twenty odd years of Valentine’s when I was married, and countless other Valentine’s with boyfriends before that (okay not "countless"; I could easily count the years if I wanted but that would make this Valentine’s Day even more depressing). And I always thought Valentine’s Day was rubbish.It wasn’t the fault of my partners. (Not all of them, anyway. We won’t mention the dude who turned up with flowers and then went out for the day with another girl.)My ex husband, for example, was pretty good about Valentine’s Day. He knew the drill, and would inevitably come home with a bunch of flowers and a succinct card.But it wasn’t exactly an emotionally charged moment. He’d thrust the roses at me, give me a peck and say, “Here you are,” a note of relief and triumph discernible in his voice. And why wouldn’t it be? He knew he’d passed the Valentine’s Day test for another year.Because that is pretty much what Valentine’s Day is when you have a partner. It’s a pass-or-fail test, which you either get right or horribly wrong.A pass is a bunch of flowers, a card, a box of chocolates, or a bottle of wine. Or perhaps it’s a thoughtful gift (if you’re at the beginning of your relationship), or a romantic dinner out, or a sexy night in.A fail is... well... virtually anything else. A gratuitous note scratched out on a Post-it because you’ve forgotten to pick up a card. A limp bunch of daisies bought from the local servo, after you’ve arrived home and dashed out again because “I seriously can’t believe you forgot Valentines Day.”Nothing at all, because you and your partner agreed not to buy each other anything, but then they gave you a gift and looked horribly disappointed when you didn’t reciprocate, and said resentfully, “It’s fine, totally fine,” even though it’s clearly not.Or nothing at all, full stop, because you plain forgot.Now, don’t get me wrong. Just because Valentine’s Day is stupid doesn’t mean romance is stupid. Romance is great. Love is sublime. And spontaneous expressions of affection are marvellous.But Valentine’s Day isn’t about any of those. Valentine’s Day is the opposite of spontaneity. It is the obligatory celebration of affection on pain of death. (Okay so maybe not death,but certainly disappointment and resentment.)And there is nothing romantic about obligation. Obligation is the antithesis of romance. You want your partner to be moved to express their affection because of feeling, because of love, because of a stirring in their loins. You don’t want your partner to give you a card because they’re scared you’ll be mad if they don’t.So let’s ban Valentine’s Day. Let’s all agree that it’s a stupid tradition, and that we’re never going to buy each other cards or flowers again.(But if the cute guy from last year is reading, and is interested, please message me for my address. Because I’m nothing if not flexible, and if you absolutely insist, I’m prepared to start the ban next year.)