Hello everyone,
My name is Jesse Goldmen and I would like to introduce myself to the community. I could go on and on about the good things in my life but I've been riding the struggle bus these last few days and I just rolled my last $900 away playing dice so I think a bit of honesty is in order. As I sit here taking the very last couple puffs off my very last roll your ownc cigerette, all I can think is
"Why the hell didnt I save a little bit of coin to buy myself some buds a pack of smokes and some steem with?"
The answer comes to me as I burn my fingers for the last time, gripping this cigarette that looks more like the roach that I wish it was. Its simple, because I didnt know. As shitty as I feel I also know that tragedy breeds triumph. When we get comfy, many of us quit trying and I was almost comfy. In order for life to exist, another life has to end and that's the cold truth. Its a simple transfer of energy, nothing in life is free for 99% of us and energy is no different. The price of meeting our daily energy needs "traditionally has been to take life. Your breakfast was once living and it's life was sacrificed in the name of God so your life could continue forward. That toss salad was once living and the salad your gay neighbor tossed last night is both, the very end of the road for all those lives that passed so another could flourish and get its ass licked another day, and the very beginning for another life to begin. A perfect circle of continuations.
Here is the bio section and where the bright light of honesty creeps over the dawn horizon for the first time.
I used to sell crack, lots of it. I dabbled in slanging heroin, bud, x and anything with a profit margin but mostly crack. Why you ask? Why else, so I could support a heroin addiction! Dont call me a junkie yet though . I never robbed anyone who didnt rob me first and I never sold to kids or pregnant chicks. I'm like Robin Hood on the corner. I was rather, I ended my criminal life with a felony dope charge and a prayer a few years back. When my feet hit the sweltering heat of those mid July Michigan streets, the very place where I smelt freedom for the first time in a half dozen months, I knew that I had a choice to make, go get a front from the dope man and get on my feet or honor the promise I made to God... This was a tough one... You see the promise was made when I was in a pretty tight spot so God kinda had me over a barrel on the whole deal which was quite unbecoming and it also happend to be a good enough reason for me to go to the dope man and score some smack, so I did.
I got to the dope man's house just in time to watch the fugitive task force team kick in his front door. SHIT!!! No dope, no money and nothing else that mattered anywhere in sight. Needless to say... I didnt stick around! Now what? Fuck! I had a good plan put together just long enough to really start itching and no means to an end in sight! It seemed someone was trying to tell me something but who? God? I dont know God or at least I didnt. But... He did save my ass from prison. Luckily for me, when he did a mustard seed of faith had been planted and today was the day it would crack its shell and put down roots. Now to all you bible bashers out there, I get it! We walked the same path for many years and I still dislike religion but trust me this shits real and its not religion! A couple magic mushroom trips later in life you may agree. You see it takes a powerful moment for any man to gain faith and a powerful moment is what I witnessed before gettting thrown in the clink. I prayed for hours straight one prayer after another like I was chain smoking prayers holding out all the while for a miracle and the 200 lb. Door confining me to my cell to open. It didnt. Sitting there in that small town jail with a homeless guy passed out drunk on the floor next to me I knew that my future was unknown and unwritten. Meanwhile my car was been driven into the jailhouse garage to be searched by the pigs and I knew that my situation had turned for the worse. I had twelve 80 mg. Oxys hiding out with a few bars and a couple blue hundos inside a magnetic hide-a-key box tucked up under my dash board, so which direction the wind would blow was hard to tell, it could go a few different directions... so... As I sat there on a cement bench that had been the cold embrace for many sorry souls before me I made the only escape I could, to a mental safe haven within where I began to pray "inside" while appearing to be sitting upright reading a book in a somewhat cocky manner on the outside. Why?
Because every few minutes one of the officers who was searching my car in the jailhouse garage across the hall, would walk by and stare at me with a grin like he was going to make captin soon as the judge read my sentenace off. With a previous manufacturing and delivery charge for selling coke my senior year already on my record, those pills would be a sure prison sentance if they were found. Long story short I got my car back with every single panel that used to hold its insides together, ripped out and either hanging from wires connected to the door or laying on the floorboards. They found everything! A two year old roach on my floor, a loose adderall (Which I had a script for) an empty suboxone film wrapper, everything! During except those pills that I prayed so hard to keep hidden. So thats me in a nut shell and I know it isnt exactly an organized portrayal of myself or God it is a accurate description of how I came to see God. Not the dude chilling in the clouds but the universal energy that is God. The energy that connects me and you and all living things. The real God.
Godbless i'm off to figure something out.
Steem, Introduceyourself, steemit