I could picture the headlines already: “Former Diplomatic Vagrant becomes New York Times bestseller.” This felt like the actual beginning of my journey. There was no time for games, yet this was a gamble. This was a grind, and I was going to get there by any means possible; even if it meant wiping the shit off some spoilt brat’s ass.
I was going to get through it and this was my first move; a Benko opening. My first pawn forward. Now it was the Universe’s turn. I was here! - Fresh off the banana boat and trying to figure out my bearings. I had hoped to be picked up from the airport, but I had to find my own way [Red flag number 1]. So, I ordered an Uber X and shortly after a Prius pulled up, with a green Little Trees pine scent in the mirror. I hopped in and sat tensely, basically a ball of nerves. I was scared, excited and emotional. Was this really happening? I thought. As I got out of the Uber and approached the house, I wasn't sure what to expect.
Ding-dong — No answer.
Ding-dong
The door slowly opened and out came these small brown eyes, peeping out from behind the door, as though I was a Jehovah's witness. “Yes, how may I help you,” she said. I believed it was the grandmother who opened the door. “Ummm,” I said nervously, “It’s Kari... The nanny?” For a second, I questioned whether I was at the right house, but as she realized who I was, she opened the door with a partial smile and was sweet enough to NOT help my boney ass through the door [Red flag number 2].
As I struggled to drag my suitcase through the door, I took a quick glimpse of my surroundings. Ahead of me was a grand staircase and high ceilings. It looked even higher while I laid on the floor. See, while I was looking around, I may have tripped over my suitcase.
Well, there goes my grand entrance - smooth Kari. Very smooth!!!
The grandmother wasn’t too fazed, a matter of a fact, she didn’t even budge! I quickly got up and followed her toward the Living room, where the family was all congregated. As I steered my suitcase out of the way, I approached the family and formally introduced myself. I went straight to the kids since they seemed to be the least scary. “
"Hi, there!” With the biggest grin on my face,
“My name is Kari, what’s your name?” I stooped down towards the little girl and saw that she had the most beautiful bold brown eyes I’ve ever seen. Whilst approaching her, she replied,
“I’m Cathy and I’m 4 years old!!” with a mischievous giggle.
“Ohh wow, you’re a big girl aren’t you!?” I said.
I then moved on to kid number 2. As I was already in position, I slightly squatted over to the little boy. It was quite a struggle to get to his height. I really don’t know why I stooped in the first place! He was a sturdy looking 10-year-old with “mild” Autism. He wasn’t as responsive as his sister. “Hi, Corey” - I was trying to impress the parents by showing them I remembered their names.
“How are you?” I said with my killer grin. He looked at me as though I was a Martian and walked away. Great, here we go, I murmured. I needed a win, so I kept my smile and slowly got up to address the parents. “Don’t mind him?” said the grandmother. “I’m Liza and this is my husband, Chris”
Wait! So, you’re the mum? - Of course, I didn’t say that out loud, but wow, that one took me by surprise. I mean the bags under her eyes made her look quite ancient - if you know what I mean.
“You must be tired,” said Liza.
“Let me show you to your room and we can catch up tomorrow” she continued with a smile.
She gently laid her hand on my shoulder and guided me up the staircase into my room. My room was nice but I was too tired to appreciate it. As I got in the room, Liza looked at me and said, “You can have the day off tomorrow.” Like an idiot, I replied, “You sure?!” “Yes, it’s fine, you can take tomorrow off and I’ll show you the ropes,” she calmly said. This was music to my ears and the perfect lullaby. After she left the room, I was K.O!
I woke up relatively early to snoop around and see what the house looked like in the daytime. It was indeed a beautiful home and family, which was why I wondered where all the family portraits were. As I walked down the grand varnished staircase, I noticed tiny holes on the plain white wall, where I assumed pictures were once hung.
Although it was my day off, it felt a lot like work. Liza showed me where everything was and went over the kids’ schedule. I was unaware that she was a stay-at-home mother [Red Flag number 3]. They left that tiny part out but I didn’t mind, she seemed like somewhat of a nice person. She explained what was expected of me in relation to the kids, which seemed like standard procedures. She proceeded to tell me about my hours; it was at this moment I knew, I should have never brought my black ass here! “I’d like you to be up and ready by 7 a.m. so you can open up all the blinds and empty the dishwasher.” Me looking sideways replies, “Okaayy...”
She continued, “you can take your lunch whenever you want and you should expect to be off by 9 p.m.” What the actual Fuck?! [RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG!] What did I get myself into?! Is she off her meds!??!! These were all the thoughts that ran through my head as I tried to compose myself, to avoid revealing my real thoughts through my facial expressions.
“Okaaayyy” I replied.
She wanted me to work for 14 hours a day, for $60! Would you of done it? God, I was fucking desperate. It seemed that I was also delusional. I managed to convince myself that she was probably trying to lay out the worst case scenario and it wasn’t going to really be that way for the entire three months.....Right?!
xoxo