They Don’t Focus On Things They Can’t Control
‘You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduce by them’
Maya Angelou
Keeping Everything Under Control
It feels safe to have everything under control, but thinking we have the power to always pull the strings can become problematic. Do you respond to any of the following points below?
- You invest energy into wanting others to change
- You try and prevent bad things from happening.
- You think you can single-handedly fix everything.
- You assume good luck has nothing to do with your future, only based on how hard you work.
- Other people accuse you of being a control freak.
- You struggle to delegate.
- You are uncomfortable asking for help.
- You struggle with team work.
- You have difficulty establishing meaningful relationships because you don’t trust people.
When you learn to let go of what you can’t control, the amount of time and energy you’ll be able to devote to things you can control will give you the ability to achieve great things!
Trying to control everything is a way of managing anxiety. You rather control your environment rather than your anxiety. We don’t trust other people’s capabilities.
Locus Of Control
Deciding what is within your control and what isn’t largely depends on your belief system. Your locus of control can be external, ‘whatever is meant to be will be’, or internal, people believe they have full control over their future.
Take the example of a job interview. An interal LOC would respond with, ‘I should have redone my resume, I’ve got to sharpen my interview skills’. External on the other hand would be, ‘It wasn’t the right job for me’. This is just a matter of your beliefs, which stem from environment and childhood.
You Can’t Control Everything
Take notice of when you’ve devoted too much energy to people and circumstances that you just couldn’t change.
Remind yourself that there’s a lot you can’t control:
- You can host a good party, but you cant control wether people have fun.
- You can give your child the tools to be successful, but you can’t make them a good student.
- You can do your best at your job, but you cant recognise your work.
- You can be the smartest person in the room, but you cant control whether people choose to follow your advice.
Influence People Without Trying To Control Them
- Listen first, speak second. People like it when you hear what they have to say.
- Share your opinion and concerns, but only share it once. Repeating unease can backfire.
- Change your behaviour. Set a good example.
- Notice the positive. Recognise people’s good efforts.
Benefits Of Giving Up Control
- Happiness: balanced locus, bi-local expectancy. Do what they can and accept the rest.
- Relationships: fewer trust issues. Ask for more help. Increased sense of belonging.
- Less stress: not carrying around the stress of the world.
- Opportunities: not controlling everything invites more opportunities into your life.
- Success: recgonise good fortune and positivity in life.
