The Problems With People Pleasing
Your Assumptions Aren’t Always True
It assumes that you think you have the power to control how other people feel. If you’re constantly doing things to make others happy and you don’t think they appreciate your efforts, you’ll soon experience resentment. Thoughts such as, ‘I do so much for you but you do so little for me’ will creep in and hurt your relationships.
Damages Relationships
This part shares the idea of being different around different people. Take dating for example, and one girl says she likes a mature man and thus you behave mature when you are around her. Another girl expresses that she likes a jokey perhaps even immature guy and you act that way around her. Trying to appear attractive and please the other person. In the long haul, your personality will come through and damage the relationship in the future. More so, always agreeing with a date and being a ‘yes-man’ can lead to you becoming transparent and like a puppet. Thinking, ‘you won’t keep me around unless I do what you want’ is a painful dialogue to have.
When faced with a difficult decision, people pleasers will often risk not pleasing the person closest to them. They know that people close to them will love them and eventually forgive them. Unfortunately, this will leave the people you love the most feeling hurt or angry. If people recognise that you are a people pleaser, they can take advantage of you instead of forming a deeper relationship based on mutual respect and trust.
People Pleasers Lose Sight Of Their Values
Bronnie Ware, author of The Top Five Regrets Of They Dying, explains how dying people expressed that they wanted to live a more authentic life, being true to themselves. People pleasing prevents you from reaching your full potential. Although people pleasers want to be liked, they often don’t want to be the best at anything because they fear being held in too high regard could make someone else feel bad.
You wont act according to your values if you try to please other people and lose sight of what you want as to make others happy. This is a popular choice to many, however not necessarily the right choice. As just mentioned this was one of the top regrets of those who are dying!
Do you want to please yourself, or do you want to please others? The choice is yours.
Saying yes or no
Remember when you say yes to something, you could be saying no to many other things. When making some decisions, allow yourself some time to really think about whether or not you want to do something, giving yourself some breathing space.
Practicing assertiveness
Being confident with you choice and decision. Speak up if someone takes advantage of you and ask for what you need. You don’t have to be demanding or rude, but remain respectful and polite.
Being more autonomous and assertive about what you want, making decisions based around your values and beliefs, lead to a much healthier life.
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