It was a day like any other. I had gone home to dinner after a day at the office. After dinner, my husband left and I was left alone with my daughter. She started practicing her school lessons and I was sitting in one of the armchairs in the living room, listening to her. I was not praying, I was not meditating on the Word, I was just following a routine: I listened to my daughter while she practiced and from time to time I corrected her.
Until then, nothing special had happened in the day. I was not in an expectant spiritual state. I was just sitting, when suddenly, I knew that Jesus was in my house. I need to explain what it means: "I knew Jesus was in my house." Until that moment in my Christian life I understood at a mental level, that in many occasions God had been in my house. He accepted that where two or three were gathered in his name, there he was in their midst. He knew that on many occasions his angels had taken care of us and his spirit had directed, but this time it was different, totally different ...
I knew that Jesus was in my house. An emotion that I had never known before began to flood my heart. Something like a tenderness mixed with wonder. I felt privileged for that experience, but at the same time I did not feel worthy of it. I was knocking at the door of my heart! Overwhelmed by that tenderness, I began to cry in silence.
When I read the experience of the sinful woman in the house of Simón the leper, who also cried in silence, I understood why my crying was not expressive. In front of his presence, our words are superfluous. Our heart speaks for us, that's why silence overwhelms us. Our heart cries out to hear his voice, and the best way to hear it is in "silence". My tears rolled while I enjoyed that special moment. I could not contain his presence, when suddenly I speak tenderly to my heart and he said: "Many times before I came to look for you and you did not hear my voice". It was not a reproach, he was talking to me, as a friend talks to another. The verse: "Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears my voice ... "(Revelation 3:20), he came to my heart like lightning. It shook me ... I understood its meaning ... Before, many times I had knocked on my door and I had not gone to his voice!
Have you ever felt that the Lord is far away? What can not you find?
Precisely at that moment moments came to my mind in which I felt that the Lord was far away. Times in which it was difficult for me to find it, and although my heart was willing I could not connect with God.
The book of Songs presents it in a poetic and wonderful way: "I slept, but my heart watched. It is the voice of my beloved who calls: Open me, my sister, my friend, my dove, my perfect ... I have stripped myself of my clothes; How should I dress?
I have washed my feet; How can I make them dirty? ... I got up to open my beloved ... I opened my beloved; But my beloved was gone, it had already passed; And when he spoke out my soul. I looked for it and I did not find it; I called him, and he did not answer me ... I conjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if you find my beloved, let him know that I am sick with love "(Song of Solomon 5: 2-3, 5-6, 8).
Many times He calls our hearts and we reject Him. He seeks worshipers, who receive him. A sadness overwhelmed me and I cried even more, but this time my cry was one of repentance. I asked her forgiveness for not having heard her voice calling my heart, I asked her to make me sensitive. I felt his look of love, his hand on my back letting me know that everything was fine. I felt his forgiveness and acceptance. I felt his love and his grace.
Since then I have often felt his presence. Have you felt his presence by your side? The desire of every worshiper should be to reach that place of intimacy, where we are silent and the Lord speaks.
