Marriage is all about you and not your spouse or choice, so stop blaming each other especially when things go wrong. Be responsible partners.
- Obesity of the man:- Several Comparative analysis between the man and the woman favours the man. He rules and dominates his world. This is non-negotiable. Acceptably, we live in the world largely dominated by man. The world is made for the man and by extention includes the woman later, for she also is made for him. To be born of man, first carries a big advantage over all other factors. The man benefits in the male dominated society in all spheres and ramifications. No effort or power whatsoever is needed per se to achieve this, for it is just natural and effortless.
The man is given the madate, the manifesto, the manpower and ability to manipulate the woman and the world under his care as a divine mandate. He must not fail hence he deserves the woman’s followership to achieve success, for God made them for each other. According to a writer, “the woman is a shelter for man and she is engineered to turn a house into a home. Without a woman the purpose of creation will not fulfilled.” Hence another author in the same vein opined that, “… both are useless without the other”. This is why the adage, “behind every successful man there is a woman”. Always accept your God’s given roles, complement the other and stage no competition in homes and the home shall remain an ideal home. Play out your unique and specific divinely endowed roles and maintain your gender uniqueness. There is no way a husband should mother a child nor the wife would father a child. The roles are complementary to achieve a unique goal. Endeavor to share your feelings and think as a team, for marriage is really a team work. But close with this bombshell from Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, “One of the greatest need in any marriage in my opinion, is the need for balance. Marriage is or should be a team effort in which the strengths of one partner balances the weaknesses of the other. But no team effort is possible if one partner (husband or wife) insists on trying to run or hijack the whole show”. (emphasis is mine) it is solely a team work! - Look up to God in Everything: Accept the role God gave you base on your gender in relation to marriage life and relationship. Be patient and learn how to make each other happy. Really care about your mate’s feelings. Remember, you are made uniquely different. Harmonize your uniqueness. Think carefully about what to say or do and resolve how best to do or say a thing. Always be gentle and choose your words carefully, for there is great power in diction. Remember, she is not an angel and he is not yet a triumphant saint in heaven. You are just human beings with temperamental strengths and weaknesses. You need a balance.
- Think as a Team: Think as a team, do not only share opinions or information but thoroughly involve and consult your mates before making commitments, be optimistic and realistic in not expecting perfection of yourself or your mate because of human fralties. Only focus on God’s principles and scale through by His grace. Submit to only God’s guidance and guardianship.
- Loyalty to Each Other is too Essential: Be loyal to each other, this makes trust and love flourish essentially. Protect your marriage because these days loyalty in marriage is under heavy demonic attack. Make your marriage your priority. Do not neglect your mate but, rather, make each other feel needed and appreciated. Be honest with yourselves and identify your personal weakness with the intention to improve on them by choice. This is because self judgment is a great gain but judgment of others is a grievous sin. Stop passing judgments on your partners. This is evil.
- Marital Problems are Inevitable: Solve your challenges together with the same level of involvement or concern. Your various problems may arise from your temperamental difference; from how each of you thinks, feels and approaches issues of life; (i.e. your thoughts, emotions and attitudes). Sometimes, however, these challenges come from outside sources and unexpected events. Always, “have intense love for one another because love covers a multitude of sins” (1Pt4:8)
Resolve issues as quickly as possible and do not stop communicating even in the face of any disagreement or in the case of environmental distance. Remember the words of Napoleon Hill “Difficulties come not to obstruct, but to instruct”. Always imbibe the insight to transcend difficulties.
Listen carefully, not just hearing, try hard to understand what you perceive. Be not quick to take offense, follow through, step by step and tackle the problems together. Keep your listening ears open even if what you hear displeases you. If you work together as a team and walk through life’s journey together, you will make a good progress that will produce good reward in the time of reckoning – the stock taking period.
As you embark on this life’s journey together, evaluate your progress from time to time. Do not laze away your chances, opportunities or privileges. Always look at the future and do not bring up your past problems, for they empty today, the strength to face tomorrow. Avoid recounting your past unfavourable experiences, they will impede your progress. Cooperate with each other by following the scriptural guides and principles. By consultations, plans will succeeds (Pro 20:18) - Conjugal Roles/Rights: Several Relationship in marriage union is a duty not an obligations. It is never a favour done to anyone, rather, it is a right divinely given to each one in marriage union. It must be seen as such. It is also for relaxation not only for procreation as some couples think. The woman have been given permission to enjoy sexual intercourse rather than doing it for the man. Sexual relationship is not a commodity for sale or purchase as some women have in their hands. The “bedroom ministry” for married couples is not a moment to make stressful requests form husbands nor a time to strike favourable bargains. It is just an exchange of love or celebration of marital love.
A writer once said, “Today women expect their husbands to be more than a provider. They have a romantic notion of find a friend, an equal, a soul mate and a lover, all rolled into one. And if one man does not match up to these requirements, then it maybe the next will”. This is an error in marriage.
But hear Apostle Paul, “The husband should fulfill his marital (conjugal) duty to his wife likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual concept and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer”. (1Cor. 7:3-5) (NIV)
Sex is a right in marriage, for married couples, therefore, no deprivation under any, pretence is permitted. Nobody buys or purchases what belongs to him or her. Sex is not for sale. Freely enjoy that moment and every other thing fits in very well. Every marital discomfort sterns form unsatisfactory bed-mating. Let couples look up to it with blissful expectations. For more on this, let’s ride on to the third chapter of this book. You are welcomed!