THE CHALLENGE
Can you and your spouse not discuss things calmly? Do you think that you always cross the minefield, can any step lead to an explosive controversy?
If so, please make sure things can improve. But first you need to find out why you and your spouse are so controversial.
WHY IT HAPPENS
Misunderstandings.
A woman named Jillian * admits: "Sometimes I say something to my husband and it does not turn out the way I want it, or I'm sure I told him something when I was just dreaming that I was That's actually happened! "
Differences.
Regardless of how compatible you and your spouse seem to be, your views differ in some ways. Why? Because no two people are exactly alike - a fact that can either give variety or suspense to marriage. For many couples, tension is the result.
Poor role models.
"My parents argued a lot and disrespected," says a woman named Rachel, "so when I got married, I talked to my husband like my mother talked to my dad, and I did not have any respect demonstrate. "
Deeper concerns.
Often a fiery argument is something other than the event that triggered it. A quarrel with "You're always late!" Start is perhaps not about the need for punctuality, but about the fact that a spouse feels that they have been treated ruthlessly.
Whatever the cause, frequent discussions can be detrimental to your health and even a sign of potential divorce. How can you stop arguing then?
WHAT YOU CAN DO
A key to preventing arguments is identifying the underlying issues that fuel them. When things are calm, try the following exercise with your spouse.
On separate sheets, each of you should write down the topic of a recent argument. For example, a husband might write, "You spent the whole day with your friends and did not call me to tell me where you were." One woman might say, "You're angry because I've spent time with my friends."
Discuss the following with an open mind: Was it really that serious? Could it have been overlooked? In some cases, for reasons of peace, it may be enough to agree and cover the cause with love. Bible Principle: Proverbs 17: 9.
If you and your spouse come to the conclusion that the matter was inconsequential, excuse each other and consider them to be done. - Bible Principle: Colossians 3:13, 14.
If the matter seems more serious to one or both of you, go to the next step.
Write down how you felt during the quarrel and let your spouse do the same. For example, a husband might write, "I felt that you preferred the company of your friends to my company." A woman could write, "I felt that you were treating me as if I were a kid who had to check in with her father."
Swap papers with your spouse, and read the other's comments. What was your spouse doing in the dispute? Discuss what each of you could have done differently to tackle the underlying issues without arguing. - Bible Principle: Proverbs 29:11.
Discuss what you have learned from this exercise. How can you use what you have learned to stop a future argument?
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