WELCOME TO JUNE. A month of Joy, Upliftment, Newness and Expansion!!!
I read a story of a father who said he could not understand his kid because the child just won't listen to him. But I think that to understand another person, you need to listen to the person and not the person listening to you. I'm saying this as a child that I am. I've come to discover that many parents do not listen to their children and hence, no resultant understanding. Listening to another person can be surprisingly a very difficult task especially when that person is your child. You may have self-satisfaction about knowing what your kids need and how to handle them, but the truth is, you do not really know your kids until you start listening to them.
Listening requires utmost attention and concentration. It is not usually an easy task as earlier stated owing to the fact that it is a self-less act. It involves paying attention to another person, taking into consideration the person's point of view and then seeking to understand him. It is a difficult task, but it is a lubricant that facilitates a smooth sail in your relationship with your children as well as in any other relationship. It closes the communication and generation gaps between parents and children; it very much aids understanding.
To the parents now, can you vividly recall the last time you actually listened to your child/children? Can you also recall the last time a very discussion with them? Some may say, they talk to me all the time but the think is, do you really listen to what the say and don't say?
Many children who grow up to becoming miscreants and hoodlums seem to have somethings in common. At some point in their lives, they felt no one really cared about them and their feelings. They became convinced that none seemed to understand them. Hence, they became frustrated and tried hiding in aggressiveness, withdrawal and hanging out with people of questionable characters who introduced them into a lifestyle of crime.
What is the relationship between this and you listening to your kids? Attentive listening to your kids is one of greatest ways to show them you actually love and care about them. It is the first step to solving their challenges even when the needed solution is not in sight. This gives them a psychological release to feel understood and loved, helping the child to open up to you first and also consent to whatever advice you have to offer. But when the reverse is the case, the child concludes that his feelings are not important to you.
During an exchange between a father and his teenage daughter, the young girl said, "You don't even care about how I feel." The father retorted angrily, "Who are you to feel anything. Just do what I told you." The girl later testified that her parents never cared about her feelings, and that any gesture from them was offered only because they were worried about their reputation. So, in a bid to get at them, she started doing the exact things they told her not to do, even at the expense of hurting her own self.
Can you now see one of the reasons you should pay attention to your child? Listening to your child is very necessary and important. Do not neglect them and their feelings. To be continued...
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With love,
Tom