I think your first mistake along your way is to believe you can learn it fast. It's only half your fault though. There are countless bootcamps or self-proclaimed coding universities on the internet that promise young, sometimes motivated people that they can learn XY skills and get hired for 100k$ a year without knowing jackshit before entering.

You wouldn't expect someone to become a lawyer, or a med doctor in a few months right? I think the same applies here. If you want to learn, it will take time, and you should start with strong basics (math & logic) and then learn lower level stuff first, instead of jumping straight into NodeJS and npm modules.

One thing to keep in mind though, is that some people have certain capacities for learning things easy. If that's your case then probably you don't even need all these courses, probably just practise, a lot of gooogling and determination should be enough for you.