Realizing that I had been sick more than half of my lifetime already is a mind-boggling for me. It is just one of those things that you don't even think that will happen happens. I didn't finish my college because I couldn't cope anymore physically, well it happened.
I planned to make a family of my own like any other people around, then it turned out that I even hadn't had an apple of my eye, it happened.
Then while being a dialysis patient for so many years already I developed another bone condition called "Leontiasis Ossea" I never in my wildest nightmares would I thought to get this condition, it is hard and debilitating, well it happened too. Won't you believe it's just my luck or should we put it "misfortune."
Now I kept on thinking maybe this is my fate and I have a mission to do. People takes an admiration on how I deal with my situation maybe because they know that they themselves cannot handle this type of condition, I can just guess. But whatever my so called "mission" in this lifetime it is too damn hard.
Too bad that I am just religious, I cannot kill myself so the most sensible thing to do is just to suck it up and sweat it out. It is just too tiresome to have this condition, most people treat me as nothing and it hurts, it just affects me deep down. That is why I am always avoiding crowds relatives or friends especially strangers and even in chat boxes.
It is just my goal to feel better inside like being dialyzed frequently, for me it gives me a sense of normality physically. I do not care about my appearance anymore because I already experienced that most people judge by sight and not by character.