In my life now at least I have the Internet because without the Internet my life is so boring i ought to cry. It happened during my first years being a dialysis patient. I could not go out because I have no money and there is no Internet. II am so sick and waterlogged and underdialyzed that I cannot do anything in my life.
But now I have the Internet so I can combat boredom which I observed is getting stronger as we age. So it makes me miss my younger years where I am so curious and naive at many aspects of life and my surroundings that time runs slow. Now time runs fast and I can't believe that I am already quite old but physically dependent on my parents.
I enjoy food but only in that little small window of opportunity where I am at dialysis. Dialysis is a magical thing, it just make things fresh for my body. That is why it saves lives as it cleans out those toxins that kidneys must clean in order for the person to live.
It is different when eating in dialysis because once you sense that your tongue can taste food again and in my case the bitter after taste has been washed away, I could well eat again and as if I have a normal appetite. After eating I will rest and let the machine do its cleaning while I wait for it to take extra fluids from my body.
I enjoy lesser pain. I had been thinking that if I just have some lesser pain and I can breathe I can do it, I can survive this thing even though I can't get into my medical goals. My prayer is that I just want to die in my sleep and not while I am awake and in misery.
In a way I am very fortunate because even though I lost friends I regained some which some I can never meet but had the most impact in making my life at ease, for that I am thankful and grateful, God Bless you all because I enjoy your company in our hearts and thoughts.
